Still Recovering from Old Yeller

I don't care for violence on TV or in the movies. Just ask Clyde - it doesn't matter how many Oscars it's won, I refuse to watch if there's any blood or killing.  If, for example, we see a gruesome death while  watching the X Files, something that we do occasionally thanks to Netflix,  I'll close my eyes until it's over. On the medical shows, I'll close my eyes when surgery is portrayed. If the bleeding character is a human adult, I don't like it.

But I absolutely come unglued if a fictional child or animal is threatened or harmed in any way.

I know it's all just make believe.  As you might explain to a child, no one is really hurt in the TV show, it's just actors pretending.

I take them at their word when they say no animals were harmed during production. I know no actual actor of any species or any age is hurt when something pretend happens on the screen.

Yet, I just can't stand to think of even a fictional child or animal getting hurt. I teared up just researching web sites for movies where the dog dies.

I trace my sensitivity back to Old Yeller, a Disney movie from 1957. Featuring a boy and his dog on the frontier of Texas, Yeller is the boy's best friend and protector of the family. As a very young child, I watched enraptured by the whole movie, identifying with the boy (I too had a dog best friend), following the ups and downs of their lives.

Until the part where the boy has to shoot Old Yeller.

I was so shocked and upset that I never really got over it.

In all fairness, Yeller had rabies and in the context of the story, shooting him was the right thing to do. But I never got over it. I wouldn't have cared, in fact I would have cheered, if the overly strict father had been shot instead.

It seems like every Disney movie from that era involved animals that died. One need not look beyond the classic Bambi, to know what I'm talking about. Everyone who's seen it remembers vividly the moment when Bambi's mother is shot by a hunter. It was enough to put me off Disney, which severely limited the movies I was able to watch as a child.

If I had children, I wouldn't let them watch Old Yeller until they were well into adulthood. Even then, not without warning them.

Marley and Me? Forget it. Never saw it.

The only exception I'll make is The Lion King. Even though Mufasa dies, it's such a great story that I'll overlook it this one time.

Language Snobbery Ensures Superiority

I try to keep things upbeat and positive in Billsweek. The hope is that my naturally cheerful disposition will bring some pleasure into your otherwise humdrum day.

But there are times when I am pushed to the limit and can take it no longer. My sunny outlook is transformed into teeth-grinding frustration.

At the moment, I hate it when those who set an example for the rest of us  (journalists, teachers, writers, and just people who should know better) misuse the English language.

I am especially annoyed by use of the word, "Nother."

As in, "If you think I'm going to say that, you have a whole nother thing coming."

In fact, "nother" is not a word. What the speaker means to say is, "You have another whole thing coming."

I'm sure that if you listen to me speak in ordinary conversation, you'll hear a number of grammatical errors. I'm not perfect.

When someone asks me how I'm doing, for example, I usually reply, "Good!" I should say I'm doing "well." So I obviously don't practice what I preach. At least not always. But that doesn't excuse other people.

Another one that bugs me is when someone says, "... whether or not ..."

It is not necessary to say, "or not" after whether. "Or not" is implied.

Whether you agree with me, I think we can all get behind the idea that no one should ever say, "Irregardless," which, like nother, is not a real word. Usually, "Regardless" will suffice, as in, "I refuse to speak incorrectly, regardless of the ignorance of those around me. "

It drives me crazy when individuals take it upon themselves to be the language police, correcting everything that is said to the point where friends don't feel comfortable speaking at all. But it's just so hard to not be that person!

There's a reason why we speak with certain rules: so we can understand each other. If you use a lot of slang in your speech, for example, you may not be understood by someone from another country or region, or someone for whom English is a second language.

In class-conscious societies, and ours is, the level of adherence to standard language identifies an individual's socio-economic status. In other words, speaking well makes you look more sophisticated and less ignorant. As demonstrated in the play, Pygmalion, by George Bernard Shaw, and in its later incarnation as the musical, My Fair Lady, one might overcome one's low class background by bumping their language usage up a notch.

In other words, you can probably get more opportunities in life if you "talk good."

Next time I feel like being the language police, I'll write about the proper way to use commas. That's not controversial at all ...

Old Boomer Reflects on Young Millennials

Ask me anything about the millennial generation. That's the group of people born between the mid 1980s and early 2000s.

I am an expert because I've been soaking up endless articles and broadcasts about them. Turns out, a fair number of hand-wringing pundits fret about handing the world over to this surging demographic.

Millennials are the biggest generation since the baby boomers. According to the media, they live with their parents because they are un- or under-employed and up to their ears in student loan debt. It is also said that they are lazy, self-centered, entitled, and unable to compete.

Older folks tisk and shake their heads and remind anyone who will listen that this is the generation where everyone who participated in little league got a trophy, even the team that lost. No wonder we're losing out to China! On the other hand, I like the idea of a whole generation where crushing your opponent isn't the most important thing.

As for laziness and being self-centered, that is said about every generation when its young. They said it about my generation, the baby boomers.

I acted pretty entitled when I was in my 20s. I was a legend in my own mind, so talented that no one could tell me anything. I was an expert on everything. I cringe now to think of how arrogant I was.  I outgrew it (I think) and so will the majority of today's younger people.

Studies have actually shown notable millennial strengths:

• They are compassionate - probably because they weren't taught in little league that winning is all that matters. 
• They are less likely to be racist and homophobic than their elders. Most, when asked about gay marriage, don't understand what all the fuss is about.
• They are less materialistic. It is known that this generation is less interested in car ownership, for example, than any in modern history.
• They are closer to their parents than we were. I think that's nice. When I was in college, I talked to my parents on the phone maybe once a week. Long distance was expensive in those days. Now, thanks to improvements in technology, college students regularly talk to their parents daily or more.
• Technology is the key to the millennial generation. These kids eat, sleep, and breathe technology. It's no joke that when handed a new device, they figure out how to use it before I can get the instruction book open. And because of social media, they are connected to the rest of the world in ways we couldn't fathom in our day. 

Like everyone from every generation, I like to fret and worry about the up and coming younger folk and how they simply don't measure up. In fairness, I have to remember what it was like for  boomers when we were young.

• The Viet Nam war, Watergate, and later AIDS, led to disillusionment and a life-long mistrust of government and authority in general. 
• As a result, boomers rebelled against many sacred institutions, from industry to the military, from universities to religion. According to our elders, we simply had no respect. 
• As boys, we grew our hair long. It was a visible way to separate ourselves from adults.
• Girls wore their skirts short. I don't know what they were thinking.
• Our music was a loud expression of our emotions and sometimes our politics - just a lot of noise according to our elders.
• We didn't get along with our parents. We moved in different worlds and didn't understand each other. It was called the generation gap. As we matured, we were determined to have a different kind of relationship with our kids, and broadly speaking, we succeeded.

Now boomers are portrayed aging rapidly, set to soak up all of what's left of Social Security. We complain about government but can't wait to get our hands on medicaid. We bumble around technology, mystified by social media, and surrounded by vinyl and VHS which we can't enjoy because the machines which played them broke down long ago.

If I'm right, millennials will complain about the generations that come after them. I hope I last long enough to savor the irony.

Watch Out! Here Come the Holidays!

They're here. Again.

Would it be possible to celebrate the holidays every other year? I've only just recovered from last year and it's time to again get on that merry-go-round of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. Halloween has passed for this year. We got exactly 0 (zero) trick-or-treaters.

Halloween doesn't do a lot for me. Ever since I was sick a few years back, I don't see the humor in fake cemeteries, depictions of dead (or undead) bodies, or blood everywhere. Plus those fake spider webs are just annoying.

I don't celebrate all holidays. Kwanzaa and Hanukkah are not on my list. I might give a passing nod to the winter solstice, but I don't go out of my way to celebrate. I happen to have a birthday in December, which I mark as a national holiday by taking the day off.

Thanksgiving is the one I hate the least. We host dinner for family and a few friends. It's a lot of work, but it's just food. No presents and very little pretense of religious tradition or ritual. We don't have to decorate the house, just set the table and make sure there is enough silverware. Without presents and caroling, there is plenty of time to just hang out and visit with loved ones. At our house, if you want to watch a football game, you can go into a special room designated for that activity.

Christmas, of course, is the most hyped. Pressure to participate pushes in from every side. You have to attend a friend's music concert or a child's pageant. You must decide whether to visit family or offend them by staying home. And the  the hassle of shopping is enough to make one crazy (or in my case, crazier). And there is, hands down, nothing worse than the forced gaiety of holiday office activities. Don't even get me started on secret Santas - as if we needed yet another person to worry about making happy.

New Years sucks. By December 31, you are fat and hung over from the other holidays, and ready for regular life to return. Instead, you have to go to "the biggest party of the year" and stay up later than you normally would. After that, there's nothing to look forward to but the long, dark winter ahead.  No days off until Memorial Day.

I've been called a Grinch before, so don't bother. Look, it's not like I hate every minute of the holidays. There are moments I really enjoy. It is good to get together with family you don't see very often. The seasonal food can be really wonderful. And there is nothing nicer than the colorful lights that pierce the night during the darkest time of the year.

Suggestions for coping:

• Lower your expectations. If you don't expect a perfect Christmas, you won't be disappointed when you don't have one.
• Enjoy what you can and ignore the rest. You don't really have to go to every concert and party. But it's ok to appreciate the lights that go up in your neighborhood. You don't have to make Grandma's traditional fruitcake that takes 16 hours. Go to your local upscale supermarket and buy one.
• Years ago, I  stopped buying individual gifts for my family members. Instead, I made one big donation in everyone's name to a favorite non-profit organization. The family appreciates it as much as they would a wrapped gift, and they don't have to drag home a bunch of stuff they don't need.

First Comes Love, Then Come Alternative Relationship Models, Then Comes Marriage

I'm just boomer enough to have spent my life questioning the established norms and mores of marriage. Who needs a piece of paper to prove their love or commitment? And the "wedding-industrial complex" - what a racket that is with it's tens of thousands of dollars of required dresses, fancy invitations, a huge reception with an expensive band or DJ, and the Chicken Dance. Oh my god the Chicken Dance!

Yes, in the old days, gay people were often the ones who questioned traditional marriage. They, we, espoused loving relationships in different forms. Let each person, couple, or group decide for themselves what kind of relationships they will form and leave traditional, permanent, monogamous marriage to unimaginative straight people.

Later on, some of us tried having commitment ceremonies which resembled weddings, but lacked legal teeth. None of the approximately 1,000 rights that go along with marriage applied.

Fast forward to the 2010's. Turns out that LGBT people are the ones most likely to champion legal, traditional marriage. While marriage rates in general are plummeting and the number of  single person households is rising, LGBT couples are falling all over themselves to get down to the courthouse for that marriage license.

Someday it will only be gays and lesbians trumpeting traditional values in congress.

So everyone pretty much agrees that gay marriage is here to stay and that soon it will be legal in all 50 states.

The most important part of this whole discussion is, how does it affect me? Do I just toss aside my old convictions that alternatives to traditional marriage are valid and preferable? Do I now embrace the "wedding-industrial complex" and (when the time comes) hire a wedding planner who will facilitate the spending of much money for that special day? What about wills, pre-nups, gift registries, and china patterns?

I'm won't even mention all the children that LGBT people are having.

That still leaves us with one question. If we are to conform to traditional models of marriage, must we also embrace the Chicken Dance?

Dangerous Cake Obsession Causes Loss of Control

I have no control when it comes to cake.

Seriously.

At the office, if I hear there's cake in the break room, I single-mindedly zero in, nearly knocking people over if they get between me and that moist, spongy confection with sticky, sweet frosting. After I chow down (think Cookie Monster without the blue fur), I'm immediately overcome by regret. I don't recognize the obsessed person that I temporarily became. In shame, I slink back to my desk.

It doesn't matter how full I am, or if I'm on a diet, or already had dessert, if there's cake, I'm there.

When I was a kid and my grandmother served cake, I'd boldly ask her if I could take some home. My parents were appalled at my audacity, but we always left with cake in hand.

Sometimes coworkers, who I suspect of secretly being vegan, bring a plate of fruit to celebrate a birthday instead of cake. What kind of birthday is that? I like pineapple and strawberries as much as the next person. I can live without honeydew. But who prefers fruit to cake? Certain members of my family always request pie instead of cake for their birthday. That's only marginally better than fruit.

A coworker recently got married. I asked about the cake at the reception and he said they didn't have one. It took a moment for that to sink in.

Wedding receptions are a place where I expect to have cake. Preferably, white cake with white frosting and little soft, flower shaped candies on the side. If you have to make your wedding reception different, skip the hokey pokey. But for God's sake, give your guests cake.

Cake is not only good to eat, it is versatile. Cake can be designed to look like anything. It can be made to look like a football, cartoon characters, even scanned photographs.  One of my earliest memories is a cake someone made in the shape of our church. Even now, if I go by my childhood church, my mouth waters.

When I was on Weight Watchers, I was appalled to learn that cake was one of the worst things I could eat. It has more fat and calories than almost anything else I love. Only pizza is worse. Life is hard.

My favorite cake in the world is the Chantilly cake from Whole Foods. A white, moist cake interspersed with strawberries and blueberries, it is infused with a light whipped creamy frosting. Note, there is room for fruit with cake, just not instead of cake.

Perhaps sometime I will write about frosted sugar cookies. How can you have Christmas without them?

Coping With Depressing News

On the verge of paralyzing journalism induced depression, Clyde and I have gone on a news diet.

World events seem more depressing than usual lately. For a time of year that media outlets usually feature shark attacks because there's not much else going on, we seem now to be bombarded with news of unthinkable violence.

We no longer want to be constantly upset about Gaza, Syria, Iraq, Ukraine, and Missouri, just to name a few. Al Jazeera and BBC no longer play on our TV all day. When you take in the same depressing stories multiple times in an endless 24 hour news cycle, it starts to get to you. Research shows that watching the same traumatic footage over and over affects you as if it were happening multiple times, even though it really only happens  once.

Instead of watching the endless looping on cable news networks, I'm getting information about world events  mostly through public radio where repeating footage is minimal. The Daily Show and Colbert Report round out how informed I am, if they're not on break. I catch the local TV news occasionally, but there isn't much information there, unless you want lots of weather and local crime.

I used to get a daily newspaper. It came to my front step early in the morning and kept me well informed without the disturbing video overload. I read the articles one time, occasional cutting out the ones I wanted to send to friends - sort of an old fashioned way of sending a link, and then added the leftovers to the recycling bin. I was fairly well informed during those years. But like many people, I quit taking the paper when the price went up and the quality went down, a victim of electronic media.

In spite of information overload, it's harder now to be informed than it used to be. Studies show that with so many news sources these days, people usually only pay attention to the ones which reinforce their world view. In other words, we no longer learn anything from news outlets. We just get our existing opinions reinforced. This is why the Republicans and Democrats in Congress and elsewhere are moving further and further apart.

We should know what's going on in the world. Informed citizens make for intelligent voters.

Do you value being informed? How do you digest information in the 24 hour news cycle? How are you coping with the summer's endless stream of bad news? Just leave a comment, here or on Facebook. I'll follow up in a future BillsWeek.