First Comes Love, Then Come Alternative Relationship Models, Then Comes Marriage

I'm just boomer enough to have spent my life questioning the established norms and mores of marriage. Who needs a piece of paper to prove their love or commitment? And the "wedding-industrial complex" - what a racket that is with it's tens of thousands of dollars of required dresses, fancy invitations, a huge reception with an expensive band or DJ, and the Chicken Dance. Oh my god the Chicken Dance!

Yes, in the old days, gay people were often the ones who questioned traditional marriage. They, we, espoused loving relationships in different forms. Let each person, couple, or group decide for themselves what kind of relationships they will form and leave traditional, permanent, monogamous marriage to unimaginative straight people.

Later on, some of us tried having commitment ceremonies which resembled weddings, but lacked legal teeth. None of the approximately 1,000 rights that go along with marriage applied.

Fast forward to the 2010's. Turns out that LGBT people are the ones most likely to champion legal, traditional marriage. While marriage rates in general are plummeting and the number of  single person households is rising, LGBT couples are falling all over themselves to get down to the courthouse for that marriage license.

Someday it will only be gays and lesbians trumpeting traditional values in congress.

So everyone pretty much agrees that gay marriage is here to stay and that soon it will be legal in all 50 states.

The most important part of this whole discussion is, how does it affect me? Do I just toss aside my old convictions that alternatives to traditional marriage are valid and preferable? Do I now embrace the "wedding-industrial complex" and (when the time comes) hire a wedding planner who will facilitate the spending of much money for that special day? What about wills, pre-nups, gift registries, and china patterns?

I'm won't even mention all the children that LGBT people are having.

That still leaves us with one question. If we are to conform to traditional models of marriage, must we also embrace the Chicken Dance?

With Gay Rights, It's Personal

I didn't realize just how invested I was in the Supreme Court's rulings until I learned that they had struck down key components of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and effectively killed California's Proposition 8 which outlawed LGBT marriage. While I have always been in favor of equal marriage rights for everyone, it wasn't something I thought I was personally invested in.

But whenever these gay rights battles rage, I take it personally. Most straight white people in this country probably haven't suffered the indignity of having their basic civil liberties voted on. But the "tyranny of the majority" is no academic matter when your neighbors can take your rights away, be it related to legalized marriage, hate crime legislation, immigration, voter identification, and so on. When nine people in Washington get to decide on whether you are entitled to something that most people take for granted, it's hard not to feel like you are under attack even in this free country of ours.

Today, things went our way. But there are still people out there who hate us enough to wish us second class status or worse. I have just a few things to say to them:

1. My right to freedom and equality outweighs your right to the "freedom of religion" you are claiming. What you really want is the freedom to impose your religious beliefs on me. That's not freedom. That's what the Taliban does.

2. GAY MARRIAGE IS TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE. Or, proponents of same sex marriage are fighting for access to traditional marriage. It's really not very radical to want what everyone else has. Early in the gay rights movement, it was common for LGBTs to claim that they didn't want to emulate marriage, that alternative models of partnership should be considered. Now that was radical. How times have changed.

3. Isn't it illogical that the people who condemn us for being unable to sustain committed relationships are the same ones who go out of their way to prevent us from having access to the institution which enshrines commitment? Marriage contributes to stability to society. There is little doubt that the 1,000 or so rights that automatically come with marriage strengthen a family, regardless of the parents' genders.

4. My gay marriage (if I ever get to have one) is no threat whatsoever to any straight marriage anywhere. Divorce, domestic violence, the economy - all are more of a threat to a straight marriage than whether two dudes or two chicks down the street are joined in matrimony.

We aren't there yet. There are still states, including Colorado, where gay marriage is illegal.

But, as a result of today's rulings, more than ever before, my boyfriend and I, while not making any commitments just yet, can consider the very concrete possibility that we may someday have the federally recognized option of actually getting legally and officially married.