So now we have marriage equality. Because of a recent U.S. Supreme Court ruling, our marriages can be exactly the same, legally, as everyone else's. Having always carried the alternative lifestyle banner, where does this new legitimized status leave us? Do our relationships have to be the same as everyone else's now too? Do our weddings suddenly have to look like those of the straight majority?
This is a pertinent question for Clyde and me. We have decided to get married. Yes, we are officially engaged (thank you - please hold all applause until the end). This is a happy occasion that frankly, 20 years ago, I wouldn't have believed possible. Our loved ones are as excited as we are. One friend got goosebumps when we told her.
While we know we're going to get married, we are still thinking about what kind of wedding to have.
No doubt some queer people want to enjoy marriage equality to the fullest and celebrate with exactly the same kind of traditional wedding that everyone else has always been able to have. This would include a church full of flowers, a long lineup of formally dressed best men and women, a first class catered reception dinner, and of course, a honeymoon in the Caribbean. It would be extravagant and yet tasteful, combining tradition with that expected gay aesthetic.
But hold on. Maybe I don't want to automatically conform to the hetero-normative model. I know that saying "hetero-normative" makes me sound "old school gay," but just because we can do it now, does that mean we have to participate in the wedding-industrial complex? Must we spend tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding consultant, obsessing over center pieces, and getting a good band?
Like straight people, we have the option to just go to the city-county building and have a quick civil ceremony. In Colorado, you don't have to be married by a judge or minister. As long as you have a marriage license, anyone can officiate. We could just do a private ritual in the mountains by ourselves and declare to the world that we are now married.
The more stereotypically LGBT options are also still available to us, of course. We could have a politically correct nondenominational ceremony, a gluten free vegan reception, and a honeymoon marching on Washington.
We could also dress up like fairies and dance around a Maypole.
But I would like to celebrate our legal union in a more modest way. Ok, to be honest, as Clyde says, I'd rather spend the money on another fabulous National Geographic expedition vacation.
Being L,G,B, or T means always questioning the status quo, considering alternatives, and doing what's best for us. Legal marriage doesn't have to change that. It just gives us more choices than we had before.
