Monday, October 20, 2014

First Comes Love, Then Come Alternative Relationship Models, Then Comes Marriage

I'm just boomer enough to have spent my life questioning the established norms and mores of marriage. Who needs a piece of paper to prove their love or commitment? And the "wedding-industrial complex" - what a racket that is with it's tens of thousands of dollars of required dresses, fancy invitations, a huge reception with an expensive band or DJ, and the Chicken Dance. Oh my god the Chicken Dance!

Yes, in the old days, gay people were often the ones who questioned traditional marriage. They, we, espoused loving relationships in different forms. Let each person, couple, or group decide for themselves what kind of relationships they will form and leave traditional, permanent, monogamous marriage to unimaginative straight people.

Later on, some of us tried having commitment ceremonies which resembled weddings, but lacked legal teeth. None of the approximately 1,000 rights that go along with marriage applied.

Fast forward to the 2010's. Turns out that LGBT people are the ones most likely to champion legal, traditional marriage. While marriage rates in general are plummeting and the number of  single person households is rising, LGBT couples are falling all over themselves to get down to the courthouse for that marriage license.

Someday it will only be gays and lesbians trumpeting traditional values in congress.

So everyone pretty much agrees that gay marriage is here to stay and that soon it will be legal in all 50 states.

The most important part of this whole discussion is, how does it affect me? Do I just toss aside my old convictions that alternatives to traditional marriage are valid and preferable? Do I now embrace the "wedding-industrial complex" and (when the time comes) hire a wedding planner who will facilitate the spending of much money for that special day? What about wills, pre-nups, gift registries, and china patterns?

I'm won't even mention all the children that LGBT people are having.

That still leaves us with one question. If we are to conform to traditional models of marriage, must we also embrace the Chicken Dance?

Monday, October 6, 2014

Dangerous Cake Obsession Causes Loss of Control

I have no control when it comes to cake.

Seriously.

At the office, if I hear there's cake in the break room, I single-mindedly zero in, nearly knocking people over if they get between me and that moist, spongy confection with sticky, sweet frosting. After I chow down (think Cookie Monster without the blue fur), I'm immediately overcome by regret. I don't recognize the obsessed person that I temporarily became. In shame, I slink back to my desk.

It doesn't matter how full I am, or if I'm on a diet, or already had dessert, if there's cake, I'm there.

When I was a kid and my grandmother served cake, I'd boldly ask her if I could take some home. My parents were appalled at my audacity, but we always left with cake in hand.

Sometimes coworkers, who I suspect of secretly being vegan, bring a plate of fruit to celebrate a birthday instead of cake. What kind of birthday is that? I like pineapple and strawberries as much as the next person. I can live without honeydew. But who prefers fruit to cake? Certain members of my family always request pie instead of cake for their birthday. That's only marginally better than fruit.

A coworker recently got married. I asked about the cake at the reception and he said they didn't have one. It took a moment for that to sink in.

Wedding receptions are a place where I expect to have cake. Preferably, white cake with white frosting and little soft, flower shaped candies on the side. If you have to make your wedding reception different, skip the hokey pokey. But for God's sake, give your guests cake.

Cake is not only good to eat, it is versatile. Cake can be designed to look like anything. It can be made to look like a football, cartoon characters, even scanned photographs.  One of my earliest memories is a cake someone made in the shape of our church. Even now, if I go by my childhood church, my mouth waters.

When I was on Weight Watchers, I was appalled to learn that cake was one of the worst things I could eat. It has more fat and calories than almost anything else I love. Only pizza is worse. Life is hard.

My favorite cake in the world is the Chantilly cake from Whole Foods. A white, moist cake interspersed with strawberries and blueberries, it is infused with a light whipped creamy frosting. Note, there is room for fruit with cake, just not instead of cake.

Perhaps sometime I will write about frosted sugar cookies. How can you have Christmas without them?