Dangerous Cake Obsession Causes Loss of Control

I have no control when it comes to cake.

Seriously.

At the office, if I hear there's cake in the break room, I single-mindedly zero in, nearly knocking people over if they get between me and that moist, spongy confection with sticky, sweet frosting. After I chow down (think Cookie Monster without the blue fur), I'm immediately overcome by regret. I don't recognize the obsessed person that I temporarily became. In shame, I slink back to my desk.

It doesn't matter how full I am, or if I'm on a diet, or already had dessert, if there's cake, I'm there.

When I was a kid and my grandmother served cake, I'd boldly ask her if I could take some home. My parents were appalled at my audacity, but we always left with cake in hand.

Sometimes coworkers, who I suspect of secretly being vegan, bring a plate of fruit to celebrate a birthday instead of cake. What kind of birthday is that? I like pineapple and strawberries as much as the next person. I can live without honeydew. But who prefers fruit to cake? Certain members of my family always request pie instead of cake for their birthday. That's only marginally better than fruit.

A coworker recently got married. I asked about the cake at the reception and he said they didn't have one. It took a moment for that to sink in.

Wedding receptions are a place where I expect to have cake. Preferably, white cake with white frosting and little soft, flower shaped candies on the side. If you have to make your wedding reception different, skip the hokey pokey. But for God's sake, give your guests cake.

Cake is not only good to eat, it is versatile. Cake can be designed to look like anything. It can be made to look like a football, cartoon characters, even scanned photographs.  One of my earliest memories is a cake someone made in the shape of our church. Even now, if I go by my childhood church, my mouth waters.

When I was on Weight Watchers, I was appalled to learn that cake was one of the worst things I could eat. It has more fat and calories than almost anything else I love. Only pizza is worse. Life is hard.

My favorite cake in the world is the Chantilly cake from Whole Foods. A white, moist cake interspersed with strawberries and blueberries, it is infused with a light whipped creamy frosting. Note, there is room for fruit with cake, just not instead of cake.

Perhaps sometime I will write about frosted sugar cookies. How can you have Christmas without them?