Things to Do Before I Die

I've reached the part of midlife where a man typically buys a red sports car, dates a teenager, and gets hair transplants in the futile attempt to recapture his youth.

I’m in no danger of doing any of those things. But between a recent birthday and the coming of a new year, I sense mortality creeping ever closer.

I have no desire to be young again but it has occurred to me that at this point there's more time behind me than in front. As a result, if there's anything I want to do I'd better get it done before it's too late.

So to commemorate the passing of another year, I set out to make a bucket list. In case you don't know what that is, a bucket list is a list of things you want to do before you die.

Turns out it isn't as easy as I thought.

It's tempting to write down the usual clichés, but most aren't things I really want to do. For example, I could list sky diving, but I'm not trying to speed up the end of my life. Another typical item for people in this part of the country is climbing all 54 fourteeners (mountains over 14,000 feet) in Colorado. I can't think of much I'd rather not do more.

I've really already done most everything I ever wanted to do. I've lived in some varied places. I've earned a Masters degree. I get paid to do what I love, which is writing. Granted, my technical and training materials aren't best sellers, but still...

Just surviving this long is quite an accomplishment considering how I spent my 20s. Some of my friends didn't make it this far. I'm a lucky guy.

So what is on my list?

I've always wanted to stay at the Brown Palace - Denver's finest historic hotel. It's luxurious, dripping with Victorian elegance, and expensive. It's also haunted. I've never been able to justify spending the money it costs to stay there. But one of these days, I'll just cough up the dough and go.

I would like to visit the three states I've never been to: Alaska, Maine, and Vermont. Saying I've been to all 50 states seems more doable and frankly more interesting than 54 mountains.

I'd like to learn Spanish. It's a prominent language in the U.S. and likely to become more so (in spite of the narrow-minded efforts of some who would like to legislate it away).

And then I'd like to go to South America and speak it. One fun fantasy is to walk down the Avenue de Mayo and sing, "I want to B A part of B A, Buenos Aries, BIG APPLE!" In case you're not gay, that's from the musical, Evita.

That's my short list. I guess I'm pretty lucky to have had such a satisfying life, or at least reasonable (low?) hopes and expectations. And upon reflection, I probably have plenty of time to do these things before I kick the bucket. But perhaps I’d better Google Spanish classes just in case.

A Huge Leap in the Right Direction

Today’s  65 to 31 vote in the U.S. Senate to overturn the misguided 17 year old compromise allowing gays and lesbians to serve in the military (NY Times story), but only if they keep it a secret, is a major step forward for our country.

There are times when I think we’re going backwards, what with all the political extremism and ignorance so evident among candidates in the recent election.

But today let’s put that aside and celebrate a huge leap in the right direction.

Yes, it shouldn’t have taken so long.

No, it’s amazing that we are so far behind other countries like Israel where everyone has to serve, without consideration of sexual orientation, and Canada, where in every province, gays and lesbians can get married.

Clearly we have a long way to go. But I believe we’re going to get there.

When I came out of the closet at age 17, the military was the furthest thing from my mind. I registered for the draft, but I had no intention of joining up, and I was quite relieved when I realized that they wouldn’t take me anyway. It never occurred to me that it should be my right to serve. I just wanted to move to the big city where the other gays were and live my life in peace.

Back then, I never would have imagined that legalized gay marriage would be the central controversy of the gay rights movement. We’ve come a long way.

Sure, I want things to happen more quickly, but this kind of change is hard fought. Women’s suffrage took nearly a century. Slavery required a bloody war. But eventually, missteps, battles, and all, we eventually get to where we need to go.

And of course there is still sexism and racism, and there will always be homophobia. But sexism and racism are fringe in the 21st century, unacceptable to the mainstream. Homophobia is now one step closer to the fringe as well.

Desegregation of the armed forces signaled the eventual end to legal segregation everywhere in the U.S. Today's decisive victory over "Don't Ask Don't Tell" signals the eventual crumbling of institutional homophobia. When the majority of military people think it's a non-issue, it’s easy to foresee that only the most die-hard religious fundamentalists who wallow in their own bigotry will be left behind.

We’ll need to keep fighting, but today, let’s stop for a moment and celebrate.

Making the Most of the Holidays by Doing Less

I didn't go to the company party this year. I just didn't want to. By the time Friday night comes around, I'm exhausted after a long work week. I don't want to dress up.

While I'm at it, I'm not sending out holiday letters this year. Scrambling for stamps and cutting my tongue while licking envelopes is a daunting prospect. Anyway, I suspect that Facebook, for better or worse, is making the holiday letter something of a relic.

I’m often called a grinch. I own that. I’ve been called worse.

I'm not putting up a Christmas tree for the second year in a row. My two year old cat, Charles, won't let me. I tried it. He wants to eat the branches. And I mean the plastic, synthetic branches of my artificial tree. I didn't even get the glass ornaments out. I'm sure he would make quick work of those.

General principle: if it causes more trouble than pleasure, or if the merriment is compulsory, then I opt out. It’s all about boundaries. My energy is limited.

I haven’t Christmas shopped for several years. Everyone I know has way more stuff than they need - including me. The last time I was in a mall at Christmas, I think Pat Schroeder was our Congresswoman and I saw her shopping at Niemen Marcus. Instead, I’ve made a practice of donating the money I would have spent on presents to the Denver Dumb Friends League (the local Humane Society). Family members seem to appreciate that as much as any doo-dad I could buy them.

Why do we drive ourselves crazy with activities that don't add to our or anyones’ enjoyment of the season?

I haven't gone to a New Years Eve party for several years. I don't drink and I can't stay awake late. I prefer to quietly reflect on the coming year and perhaps make a reasonable resolution or two. New Years Day, I want the flexibility to be depressed about the prospect of a long, dark winter without being forced into false cheer.

Don’t get me wrong. When I do elect to take part in holiday goings-on I will do so with relish.

Here’s what I plan to enjoy before the year changes:

• Lights. Lots of colored lights. Charles did allow a couple of strings at home, just not on a tree. Most years, I drive around the city looking at lights. There’s a house in my neighborhood which is loaded with illumination and even has its own radio station so you can listen to music choreographed with moving parts and sophisticated light shows. And in Denver, no tour of lights is complete without driving by the City and County Building, easily the most spectacular holiday display in the Mountain Time Zone.
• Dinner at Fresh Fish Company. Yes, for me, Christmas, New Years, and my birthday are all one big glop of holiday. Like many restaurants, if you sign up for it, Fresh Fish Company sends a postcard every year near your birthday allowing a percentage off your entre equal to your age. That grilled salmon and asparagus drizzled with hollandaise sauce with a side of garlic mashed potatoes is getting closer and closer to half price for me.
• Time with family. My family is a lot of fun and it just wouldn’t seem right to celebrate Christmas without them. This year, my siblings and nieces and I will converge on my dad’s house in Fort Collins. I’ll probably make corn chowder for Christmas Eve. Some of us will go to church, most of us won’t. I’ll drive home to Denver late so I can feed the cats and get some sleep. Christmas morning, I’ll rise early and head up there again.

So you see, I’m not a total grinch. I simply like to get the most out of my holiday by doing less. If you see me at a festivity this month, you’ll know I’m not faking merriment. If you don’t see me, well, happy New Year.