Annual Holiday Hang-Ups Have Begun

What is it about Christians that makes them want to suck the fun out of everything?

The Thanksgiving leftovers are barely in the fridge and more than one of my theologically educated friends have already self-righteously declared that one mustn't celebrate Christmas until December 25. Or is it December 24? In case you are about to let me know which of these it is, let me assure you with utmost emphasis, that I don't care.

This is arguably the most celebrated time of year. Families gather, houses are festively decorated, we bring out our favorite traditional recipes, and we give each other gifts to express our love. 

We should be attending parties and enjoying concerts and watching TV specials. So why are so many determined to stamp the fun out of the holidays by shoving their particular hang-ups down everyone else's throat?

The one that is particularly bothering me this year is the idea from religiously correct, Christian purists that we shouldn't enjoy Christmas until it is officially, liturgically Christmas - that is, until tradition says Baby Jesus is actually born. Up until then, it's only Advent, a time of expectation and waiting. God forbid we should enjoy a little Christmas caroling or set up our manger set too early.

Don't worry, the hangups of past years continue to bother me. There are many other ways people are determined to take the joy out of the holidays this year as well:

- The war on Christmas. Whether you say an innocent "Merry Christmas" to a coworker or wish your neighbor a casual, "Happy Holidays," it's the same as declaring whether you vote Republican or Democrat. I'd prefer not to be attacked for they way I sincerely wish a fellow human being a happy season. Can we just express friendly tidings to each other without getting into a "war" about it?

- Don't take the Christ out of Christmas. The people who make this plea are particularly galling. Whether you like it or not, there is a lot more to the holiday season than the traditional story of the birth of Christ.  Winter Solstice celebrations long predate Christmas. It's the darkest time of the year and we need something to lighten things up. If someone wants to go to the holiday parade and decorate a tree, drink eggnog, or take their kid to see Santa at the mall, why isn't that ok? If you want to go to Christmas mass and worship Baby Jesus and all that stuff, by all means go ahead and do so. But leave everyone else alone. I believe the story of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer has moral relevance even though it isn't from the Bible. What is it about Christians that makes them want to suck the fun out of everything?

- Christmas is too commercial. Yes, yes, yes, this complaint is as old as Christmas itself. Can I make a suggestion? Get over it. That is something which is simply not going to change. If the commercialism bothers you, don't participate in it. If gift giving is too much of a greed-fest for you, give non-commercialized gifts such as donations to a charity, or give time to a cause that's important to you. Your loved ones will appreciate the effort to help others, and they don't have to lug a bunch of junk home that they may not really want.

I realize my rantings are very Christmas/Christian centered. That's because I'm a Christian (who happens to enjoy secular Christmas as well). I'm perfectly ok with it if you disagree with me or have a different point of view, or would rather talk about Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, New Years, or another holiday. Celebrate this season however you want. I plan to do the same. I'll leave you alone if you will do me the same courtesy. Just don't suck all the fun out of my December because of your hang ups.

Watch Out! Here Come the Holidays!

They're here. Again.

Would it be possible to celebrate the holidays every other year? I've only just recovered from last year and it's time to again get on that merry-go-round of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. Halloween has passed for this year. We got exactly 0 (zero) trick-or-treaters.

Halloween doesn't do a lot for me. Ever since I was sick a few years back, I don't see the humor in fake cemeteries, depictions of dead (or undead) bodies, or blood everywhere. Plus those fake spider webs are just annoying.

I don't celebrate all holidays. Kwanzaa and Hanukkah are not on my list. I might give a passing nod to the winter solstice, but I don't go out of my way to celebrate. I happen to have a birthday in December, which I mark as a national holiday by taking the day off.

Thanksgiving is the one I hate the least. We host dinner for family and a few friends. It's a lot of work, but it's just food. No presents and very little pretense of religious tradition or ritual. We don't have to decorate the house, just set the table and make sure there is enough silverware. Without presents and caroling, there is plenty of time to just hang out and visit with loved ones. At our house, if you want to watch a football game, you can go into a special room designated for that activity.

Christmas, of course, is the most hyped. Pressure to participate pushes in from every side. You have to attend a friend's music concert or a child's pageant. You must decide whether to visit family or offend them by staying home. And the  the hassle of shopping is enough to make one crazy (or in my case, crazier). And there is, hands down, nothing worse than the forced gaiety of holiday office activities. Don't even get me started on secret Santas - as if we needed yet another person to worry about making happy.

New Years sucks. By December 31, you are fat and hung over from the other holidays, and ready for regular life to return. Instead, you have to go to "the biggest party of the year" and stay up later than you normally would. After that, there's nothing to look forward to but the long, dark winter ahead.  No days off until Memorial Day.

I've been called a Grinch before, so don't bother. Look, it's not like I hate every minute of the holidays. There are moments I really enjoy. It is good to get together with family you don't see very often. The seasonal food can be really wonderful. And there is nothing nicer than the colorful lights that pierce the night during the darkest time of the year.

Suggestions for coping:

• Lower your expectations. If you don't expect a perfect Christmas, you won't be disappointed when you don't have one.
• Enjoy what you can and ignore the rest. You don't really have to go to every concert and party. But it's ok to appreciate the lights that go up in your neighborhood. You don't have to make Grandma's traditional fruitcake that takes 16 hours. Go to your local upscale supermarket and buy one.
• Years ago, I  stopped buying individual gifts for my family members. Instead, I made one big donation in everyone's name to a favorite non-profit organization. The family appreciates it as much as they would a wrapped gift, and they don't have to drag home a bunch of stuff they don't need.

January Offers Little to Look Forward To

The colored lights are coming down. The extended family has scattered to distant homes. The parties are over, replaced by the drudgery of endless routine. It no longer seems proper to indulge in sugar cookies. No wonder this time of year heralds the arrival of my annual winter depression.

Traditionally, the depression starts on New Year's Day, the day upon which there is officially nothing left with which to look forward.

All we're left with after the holidays is darkness and cold. Oh, there may be a flicker of something to live for, like that exciting Sunday when friends gather round to enjoy the annual television event that enraptures and unifies the nation. I'm talking about, of course, the season premiere of Downton Abbey.

This year we also have the Winter Olympics to look forward to.

Ok, if you know anything about me, you know that my interest in the Olympics pretty much matches my interest in all other sports. That is to say, I'm not interested. Primarily, I'm annoyed that the games preempt my favorite TV shows.

I've tried various ways of averting that dark void which consumes me in January and February. Armed with an official diagnosis of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), I've tried sitting in front of a special light box which helps my brain create the same chemicals as the sun. For me, it also triggers migraines.

I've tried taking walks on my lunch hour - getting sunlight and exercise at the same time. That works pretty well until there's a storm and the sidewalks ice up, putting my actual bones at risk.

Well-intentioned friends always point out that the days are getting longer. Yeah, yeah, I know. But it's still cold. The grass is still brown if not covered with snow, and the deciduous trees are still leafless. I suppose the good thing about leaving the house on dark mornings and returning after the sun goes down is that you never have to see the brown grass.

Spring seems so far away. There are no holidays until Memorial Day, unless you're lucky enough to work someplace that recognizes Martin Luther King Jr. or President's Days. I am not in that lucky crowd.

The one thing that has worked consistently is to plan a winter vacation to a place that, by Colorado standards, doesn't have winter.

I've gone to San Diego, California, for a few days every winter since 2000.

It works best to plan the trip for February because the season's endlessness seems even worse than January. Plus, if I start planning right after Christmas, I'll have all of January and part of February to look forward to the palm trees and beach and 60 degree temperatures. By the time I come back, there are only a few more weeks of winter.

My annual vacations to California don't stop the winter blues, but they sure help. Meanwhile, I've decided it's ok to eat sugar cookies all winter long.

Holiday Enjoyment Threatened by Annual Annoyances

Twinkling lights. Sugar cookies. General good will. There are lots of reasons to enjoy the month of December.

But I find myself feeling gloomy this year and I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's that Black Friday shoppers are tasering each other at BrawlMart. Maybe it's because I put my little tree up in my new living room and it just looks sad.

Every year, there are a few unavoidable holiday occurrences which threaten all the seasonal cheer I so delicately nurture. Would it be possible, for the sake of sanity, to avoid the following?

• Heavy metal versions of Little Drummer Boy. 
• Gift exchanges at the office. 
• The work holiday party. 
• People who think that wishing someone "happy holidays" is akin to declaring war on Christmas. 
• People who talk on the phone while they drive - not specific to this time of year, but offensive the whole year through. 
• Secret Santas. 
• Obnoxious Christians who want to cram their distorted version of the faith down everyone else's throat by "reclaiming" the "reason for the season." 
• Loud renditions of Silent Night 
• Barbra Streisand's version of Ji Ji Ji Ji Ji Ji Jingle Bells. 
• Really, any version of Jingle Bells. 
• Beautiful songs like Oh Holy Night slaughtered by popular singers.
• Treating the delightful song from the Sound of Music, My Favorite Things, as a Christmas tune. It's not. 
• Lists. End of year and other kinds ... including, yes, this one.
• Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - any version. 
• Snow - in spite of the purported desirability of a "white Christmas," all it really does is mess up travel when people most want to achieve distant destinations.

Wow. A lot of these have to do with music. There must be other issues tied up in here. I never said I didn't harbor multiple issues. Well, lest you think I'm nothing but a Scrooge, let me just say that there are some lovely holiday lights up in my neighborhood and I'm planning to enjoy them. Have a good month and try to find the joy where you can!

Getting into the "Spirit" of Halloween

Around the big old houses in my neighborhood which tend to be spooky anyway, skeletons are springing up in front yards and witches are flying suspended in trees.

My decorations, like my home, are considerably more modest in comparison. I am thinking of picking up a cheap plastic ghost to hang on the screen door.

My boyfriend has already put three pumpkins on the front step. Combined with the occasional ghostly cat in the window (see photo) and the dead leaves I tend not to sweep away, they could create an eerie ambiance if you squint just right.

I'm not a big Halloween lover. I always thought the depictions of death and violence were, well, scary. I don't like being scared. Real life is frightening enough, what with supervolcanos and congressional gridlock and the like.

Because some past Halloweens have overlapped  with personal experiences of illness and death, I don't particularly think fake cemeteries in front yards are funny.

But I'm in the minority.

Perhaps its the skeletal appearance of trees recently shed of leaves, or the longer, darker nights, but this time of year, people seem preoccupied with the specter of death. In Mexico, Dia de Muertos mocks it with colorful celebrations and comic ghoulishness. In some Christian traditions, less fun of course, All Saints and All Souls Days solemnly commemorate those who have passed on.

Most of us in the U.S. mainstream culture, however, dress up in fanciful costumes, drape fake spider webs around our homes, and give lots of candy to children.

As a child, I happily participated in Halloween traditions. Every year, I wore a cheap plastic mask through which I could barely breathe, the condensation building around my mouth until I had to lift it away from my face. I blindly felt skinned grapes which I was told were eyes and ran my fingers through cold spaghetti which felt like brains. I scrupulously avoided apples and popcorn balls which could be laced with razor blades. I watched the Charlie Brown Halloween special hoping year after year that maybe, just maybe, this time the Great Pumpkin would show up for Linus, but he never did.

Frankly, what I enjoy most about Halloween is that it kind of kicks off the holidays for the rest of the year. After trick or treat, it's only a short stretch to Thanksgiving, followed by my birthday which ranks high on the celebration scale, and Christmas, of course.

This year, however, I'm in a new home where neighbors go all out with the spooky decorations. I have to consider the possibility that there will be children knocking at my door expecting candy. I should probably up my game a little and get into the, quote, spirit of the season. I had better get that plastic ghost on my door.

Most Awesome Moments of 2011

There is no shortage of lists these days. I suppose it's the most efficient way of reviewing the old year as we prepare for the new. So in honor of the end of the year, here is my personal list of Awesome Moments from 2011:

• Finding out that people actually do read BillsWeek
• Going to that little local donut place (Walton's Donuts on Leetsdale) on the way to work
• Watching all five seasons of Brothers and Sisters on Netflix
• Attending new member classes at the Episcopal cathedral
• Seeing lots of friends from back east as they passed through Colorado on their summer trips
• Estudiar español y recordar algunas palabras
• Deciding that instead of going to Village Inn for a piece of pie, we'll go and buy a whole pie to take home instead
• Two, count 'em, two separate trips to San Diego
• Charles let me have a Christmas tree this year - he did break one ornament, but that's better than the whole tree, so I guess he's turning into an adult cat finally
• The discovery that visiting every Colorado state park is not going to take one year, but probably three or more
• Xanax
• Going to the Atomic Cafe for biscuits on Sunday mornings
• The Occupy Movement
• Learning how to delete channels on Pandora
• Listening to BBC Witness on the iPod at 24 Hour Fitness
• Near daily cuddles with Freddie, the Pomeranian who lives next door
• Herman Cain's spectacular downfall
• Figuring out how to use the automatic thermostat on the car heater (I've only had the car three years)
• Watching the hawks outside my office window

Happy Holidays! See you next year!

Making the Most of the Holidays by Doing Less

I didn't go to the company party this year. I just didn't want to. By the time Friday night comes around, I'm exhausted after a long work week. I don't want to dress up.

While I'm at it, I'm not sending out holiday letters this year. Scrambling for stamps and cutting my tongue while licking envelopes is a daunting prospect. Anyway, I suspect that Facebook, for better or worse, is making the holiday letter something of a relic.

I’m often called a grinch. I own that. I’ve been called worse.

I'm not putting up a Christmas tree for the second year in a row. My two year old cat, Charles, won't let me. I tried it. He wants to eat the branches. And I mean the plastic, synthetic branches of my artificial tree. I didn't even get the glass ornaments out. I'm sure he would make quick work of those.

General principle: if it causes more trouble than pleasure, or if the merriment is compulsory, then I opt out. It’s all about boundaries. My energy is limited.

I haven’t Christmas shopped for several years. Everyone I know has way more stuff than they need - including me. The last time I was in a mall at Christmas, I think Pat Schroeder was our Congresswoman and I saw her shopping at Niemen Marcus. Instead, I’ve made a practice of donating the money I would have spent on presents to the Denver Dumb Friends League (the local Humane Society). Family members seem to appreciate that as much as any doo-dad I could buy them.

Why do we drive ourselves crazy with activities that don't add to our or anyones’ enjoyment of the season?

I haven't gone to a New Years Eve party for several years. I don't drink and I can't stay awake late. I prefer to quietly reflect on the coming year and perhaps make a reasonable resolution or two. New Years Day, I want the flexibility to be depressed about the prospect of a long, dark winter without being forced into false cheer.

Don’t get me wrong. When I do elect to take part in holiday goings-on I will do so with relish.

Here’s what I plan to enjoy before the year changes:

• Lights. Lots of colored lights. Charles did allow a couple of strings at home, just not on a tree. Most years, I drive around the city looking at lights. There’s a house in my neighborhood which is loaded with illumination and even has its own radio station so you can listen to music choreographed with moving parts and sophisticated light shows. And in Denver, no tour of lights is complete without driving by the City and County Building, easily the most spectacular holiday display in the Mountain Time Zone.
• Dinner at Fresh Fish Company. Yes, for me, Christmas, New Years, and my birthday are all one big glop of holiday. Like many restaurants, if you sign up for it, Fresh Fish Company sends a postcard every year near your birthday allowing a percentage off your entre equal to your age. That grilled salmon and asparagus drizzled with hollandaise sauce with a side of garlic mashed potatoes is getting closer and closer to half price for me.
• Time with family. My family is a lot of fun and it just wouldn’t seem right to celebrate Christmas without them. This year, my siblings and nieces and I will converge on my dad’s house in Fort Collins. I’ll probably make corn chowder for Christmas Eve. Some of us will go to church, most of us won’t. I’ll drive home to Denver late so I can feed the cats and get some sleep. Christmas morning, I’ll rise early and head up there again.

So you see, I’m not a total grinch. I simply like to get the most out of my holiday by doing less. If you see me at a festivity this month, you’ll know I’m not faking merriment. If you don’t see me, well, happy New Year.

Traditions Bring Meaning to the Holidays

Ah Thanksgiving! When people of every faith (or none at all) gather with family and friends to reflect on the good things in their lives.

Many cultural traditions play out this week. It’s the one occasion when most of us eat turkey. It’s the busiest time of year at airports. It’s when we untangle the colored lights, plug them in, and check whether enough bulbs are burned out to justify buying a whole new string.

There are traditions unique to each family. Some like the cornbread Stove Top stuffing mix while others prefer the herb flavored. Others mix the turkey dinner with traditional ethnic food. Some, for example, garnish sweet potatoes with layers of brown sugar and thousands of mini-marshmallows.

And what would Thanksgiving be without the crystal dish holding the traditional jellied cranberry sauce in the shape of a tin can?

It’s these folksy customs which add color and distinctiveness to a celebration. We have a little gem in my family which is repeated every Thanksgiving.

At some point during the preparation of the traditional meal, the cook, usually the host, turns to the guests who have congregated around the food preparation area, and from the heart, with all the feeling a major holiday can inspire, says:

"Ok. That’s it. Get the HELL out of my kitchen."

The first year of this request to vacate was at my sister's house. Her mother-in-law, several guests, and her sister, brothers, and nieces were milling around half prepared dishes of food, adding chaos to an already chaotic situation. The noise level had risen to the point where the two inhabitants of the adjacent living room were unable to hear each other. Without warning, my sister cried the famous words which have so oft been repeated.

Experience had taught those of us related to her by blood to do what she said. Her brothers, sister, and nieces left the kitchen immediately. Unaware of the risk to their health and well being, the less-experienced in-laws and friends laughed and remained huddled around the counters. I was too afraid to peek in and see what happened next.

Kitchens are instinctive gathering places. It probably dates to those chilly Thanksgivings celebrated by early homosapiens who lived in caves. To escape the relentless cold, all the cavepeople and their families and friends gathered around the fire for warmth -the same fire over which the cavehosts cooked the traditional mammoth meat.

In the 21st century, the living room is also warm, but as the guests arrive, they intuitively migrate to the kitchen, chatting happily as the cook/host struggles to create counter space.

Meanwhile, the living room, where chairs are carefully placed to facilitate traffic flow and maximize social interaction, is empty - except for the cats who have discovered that the appetizers on the coffee table have been left unattended.

Does Martha Stewart ever have to deal with this stuff?

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy my guests and I'm happy people like spending this special day in my home. I like talking and catching up as much as anyone.

But it's stressful to coordinate a large dinner which you only prepare once a year, juggling an unnaturally large bird which was frozen just the day before in a floppy disposable foil roasting pan, monitoring several side dishes which need various amounts of heating, checking on rolls which can easily burn, and timing it perfectly so that its ready to eat all at the same time.

About the point where the turkey is done, the corn needs 30 more minutes, and it's time to start the gravy - a delicate and precision operation which could affect the outcome of the whole dinner - I wave my baster in the air and bellow the traditional holiday plea.

Stunned, most people back away, out to what's left of the appetizers.

Fortunately, my momentary lapse in hospitality is forgotten as soon as the steaming gravy flows over the mashed potatoes.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Holiday Newsletter Print Edition In Decline

Depending who you listen to, the demise of print media is either a tragedy leading to the downfall of civilization or an inevitable result of the democratization of information sharing via rapid advances in technoogy.

In any case, I'm not going to buck the trend. My annual holiday newsletter only went out to about 40 friends and family this year, mostly those who can't or don't use a computer. To save on postage and ink (I spent $80 on ink cartridges - that's more than the cost of the printer! What a racket!), I am posting my annual greetings and news online for my Facebook and blog friends to see.

I know it's a little less personal. I'm sorry if it makes you feel less special to me and I assure you that is not the case. I just believe in the democratization of information sharing via rapid advances in technology.

If you aren't mad at me, please read my Holiday Newsletter by clicking here.

And have a wonderful Holiday Season!