The Year-Dometer Is Turning Over

As the year-dometer turns over to a new decade, it seems only appropriate that we reflect on the decade past and ...

Before I go on, I want to address those of you who are upset with me because the new decade doesn't start until 2021 and I obviously don't understand basic numbers. Yes, I'm aware that there was no "year zero" and that we start counting everything with the number one. But I'm not a math fundamentalist. I think that, for example, it's symbolically more meaningful when your car odometer turns over to 100,000 miles than 100,001. So try not to get too riled up and let's get on with it.

Unfortunately, I'm at an age where the last 10 years are indistinguishable from the 10 before that. Wasn't the turn of the century just 10 years ago? Seems like only yesterday, we ate a cake that said, "Welcome 2000" and accidentally shot live fireworks into the woodpile.

Ever since 2000, I've said we are living in the future. The elders among us might remember how in the 1960s and 70s, predictions of the future always started with, "By the year 2000 ..." which seemed impossibly far away. And now? Smart phones. Self-driving cars. They still seem like science fiction to me. On the other hand, I struggle to remember how we got to our friends' homes in the suburbs without GPS. Did we really fumble around with paper maps that we could never fold back to their original state?

Some of the decade's highlights for me personally:

• I got legally married and I'm still amazed about that.
• I became Episcopalian.
• I went from middle age to upper middle age.
• I bought a house riddled with stupid problems.
• I got a Kindle reader.

Our national life has been no less eventful:

• It became legal for same sex couples to marry.
• There is a general trend towards legalizing marijuana.
• "They" as a singular, personal pronoun came into acceptance.
• There are more good programs on TV than ever before and thanks to DVRs and streaming, we can watch them at our own convenience.

On the other hand:

• The U.S. accelerated on its journey to hell with shady Republicans engineering voter suppression and other stunts. These culminated in an illiterate, immoral, psychopath in the white house and a supreme court that will halt progressive changes at every turn for years to come.
• Climate change and global warming continued to worsen while we basically continued to not do much about it.
• Corporations figured out how to gather even more reams of data on us through technology that we bring into our homes on purpose. It's so bad now that experts recommend putting a piece of low tech tape over the camera on your new television because, theoretically and technically, someone out there could be watching you..

You know, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to extend the decade one more year. That would give us a little extra time to end the 10s on a more positive note and brace ourselves for the 20s.

Watch Out! Here Come the Holidays!

They're here. Again.

Would it be possible to celebrate the holidays every other year? I've only just recovered from last year and it's time to again get on that merry-go-round of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. Halloween has passed for this year. We got exactly 0 (zero) trick-or-treaters.

Halloween doesn't do a lot for me. Ever since I was sick a few years back, I don't see the humor in fake cemeteries, depictions of dead (or undead) bodies, or blood everywhere. Plus those fake spider webs are just annoying.

I don't celebrate all holidays. Kwanzaa and Hanukkah are not on my list. I might give a passing nod to the winter solstice, but I don't go out of my way to celebrate. I happen to have a birthday in December, which I mark as a national holiday by taking the day off.

Thanksgiving is the one I hate the least. We host dinner for family and a few friends. It's a lot of work, but it's just food. No presents and very little pretense of religious tradition or ritual. We don't have to decorate the house, just set the table and make sure there is enough silverware. Without presents and caroling, there is plenty of time to just hang out and visit with loved ones. At our house, if you want to watch a football game, you can go into a special room designated for that activity.

Christmas, of course, is the most hyped. Pressure to participate pushes in from every side. You have to attend a friend's music concert or a child's pageant. You must decide whether to visit family or offend them by staying home. And the  the hassle of shopping is enough to make one crazy (or in my case, crazier). And there is, hands down, nothing worse than the forced gaiety of holiday office activities. Don't even get me started on secret Santas - as if we needed yet another person to worry about making happy.

New Years sucks. By December 31, you are fat and hung over from the other holidays, and ready for regular life to return. Instead, you have to go to "the biggest party of the year" and stay up later than you normally would. After that, there's nothing to look forward to but the long, dark winter ahead.  No days off until Memorial Day.

I've been called a Grinch before, so don't bother. Look, it's not like I hate every minute of the holidays. There are moments I really enjoy. It is good to get together with family you don't see very often. The seasonal food can be really wonderful. And there is nothing nicer than the colorful lights that pierce the night during the darkest time of the year.

Suggestions for coping:

• Lower your expectations. If you don't expect a perfect Christmas, you won't be disappointed when you don't have one.
• Enjoy what you can and ignore the rest. You don't really have to go to every concert and party. But it's ok to appreciate the lights that go up in your neighborhood. You don't have to make Grandma's traditional fruitcake that takes 16 hours. Go to your local upscale supermarket and buy one.
• Years ago, I  stopped buying individual gifts for my family members. Instead, I made one big donation in everyone's name to a favorite non-profit organization. The family appreciates it as much as they would a wrapped gift, and they don't have to drag home a bunch of stuff they don't need.

Deep, or at Least Random, Thoughts for the New Year

Suddenly, we've arrived at the end of 2012. Because I’m too exhausted to party after last week’s celebrations, I’m sitting here in my jammies waiting to ring in the new year with Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin on CNN. I have my celebratory Diet Squirt ready to pop at 10:00 p.m. mountain time when that ball drops in NYC.

Some random thoughts cross my mind:

• I have turned 50. 50! I don't know quite what to do with that, except maybe take a nap. I'm told that the 50s are a time to give back. Hmmm. Wait, was that give back or get back? Perhaps it is time to get back at people for all the stuff they've done to me.
• Just because I live with cats, doesn't mean I'm not also a "dog person." Why do you have to be one or the other?
• I like kids. Just not the ones that throw rocks at my windows.
• Money does not buy happiness, but it sure makes some things easier.
• Nothing enlivens the middle of the night like an anxiety attack.
• With my father's passing, I am now part of the oldest generation in my family. Whether this renders me a wise sage guiding the younger folks through the life's bumpy paths remains to be seen. More likely, a niece or nephew will be wondering whether they should invite old Uncle Bill to Sunday dinner this week, or could they put it off until later. I have started to practice asking my niece, Hannah, "Can you take me back to the home now? Matlock's on at 10:00."
• Buying that new (TV, computer, blue ray, etc.) didn't solve all my problems.
• It's difficult to be philosophical about vacuuming when the cats regularly throw up hairballs onto the newly cleaned carpet.
• One of the cats, Charles, will not allow the litter box to be clean. If I scoop the poop out, he immediately uses it. I don't get to enjoy a clean litter box even for a minute.
• Cooking at home saves money but sometimes the food isn't very good.
• Things are, over all, getting better. Sure, we have to deal with climate change and that supervolcano in Yellowstone is going to blow any time. But Obama was re-elected in spite of the typical Republican shenanigans. Technology, while challenging, really does improve our lives. Homophobia is in decline. The crime rate (high profile murders not withstanding) is falling to the point where they are even closing prisons in some places.
• Sometimes the only reason you do something is because it's the right thing to do.

Happy New Year.

Most Awesome Moments of 2011

There is no shortage of lists these days. I suppose it's the most efficient way of reviewing the old year as we prepare for the new. So in honor of the end of the year, here is my personal list of Awesome Moments from 2011:

• Finding out that people actually do read BillsWeek
• Going to that little local donut place (Walton's Donuts on Leetsdale) on the way to work
• Watching all five seasons of Brothers and Sisters on Netflix
• Attending new member classes at the Episcopal cathedral
• Seeing lots of friends from back east as they passed through Colorado on their summer trips
• Estudiar español y recordar algunas palabras
• Deciding that instead of going to Village Inn for a piece of pie, we'll go and buy a whole pie to take home instead
• Two, count 'em, two separate trips to San Diego
• Charles let me have a Christmas tree this year - he did break one ornament, but that's better than the whole tree, so I guess he's turning into an adult cat finally
• The discovery that visiting every Colorado state park is not going to take one year, but probably three or more
• Xanax
• Going to the Atomic Cafe for biscuits on Sunday mornings
• The Occupy Movement
• Learning how to delete channels on Pandora
• Listening to BBC Witness on the iPod at 24 Hour Fitness
• Near daily cuddles with Freddie, the Pomeranian who lives next door
• Herman Cain's spectacular downfall
• Figuring out how to use the automatic thermostat on the car heater (I've only had the car three years)
• Watching the hawks outside my office window

Happy Holidays! See you next year!

Decade Changes Without Fanfare

The passing of the “00s” into the “10s” leaves me somewhat less than captivated by the permanent numerical change in the calendar.

It seems to me that the changing of a decade used to mean more. I remember sitting with my mother in the family room wondering what the 1980s would bring. We were blissfully unaware of the coming Reagan years which would roll back social progress and make greed fashionable. We had no idea I was about to burst through the closet door, beginning adulthood as an out and proud gay man, surviving one of the most terrifying periods of gay history when thousands were felled by AIDS.

1990 brought a full set of fresh hopes and expectations: a new career, new home, a wide open future. I didn’t know yet that I would feel the full effects of homophobia, get married and divorced, change occupational paths multiple times, or buy a home all by myself.

The last change of decades, of course, also brought a new millennium. Perhaps that’s why this new decade seems less interesting. It will be another thousand years before we match the excitement of Y2K when I drove up to Nebraska and celebrated the four-digit calendar turnover with my brother’s family over fireworks and a giant cookie on which I mistakenly wrote in frosting a welcome to the year 200 (yes, two hundred).

Prior to this millennium, talk of the future always began with the phrase, “By the year 2000 …” Predictions were as much hope as fact. By the year 2000:

• Our cars would fly.
• Robots would serve us in our homes.
• Colonies of humans would populate the moon and Mars.
• We would no longer eat food because all nutrition would be consumed in pills. 

Ever since 2000 I have felt like I was living in the future. In some ways, actual change in this decade has been as amazing as we imagined in the 1970s.

By 2010:

• Everyone carries their phone with them. Remember when the Star Trek communicator seemed so astounding? It didn’t do half that of our modern cell phones.
• There are hundreds of channels on the TV. There are even multiple channels dedicated solely to golf – quality is another subject altogether.
• The President of the United States has African ancestry.
• Ordinary, everyday information can be sent around the world in less than seconds – from my sofa, no less (while I watch one of hundreds of TV channels).
• Everyone can distribute their own writing or broadcast their own video with the technological potential to reach millions. If I wanted to, I could publish a text reporting to the entire world what I had for dinner or when I last went to the bathroom. Whether anyone cares is somewhat irrelevant.
• In some states and many countries, including now Argentina and Mexico, men are marrying men and women are marrying women. I couldn’t have imagined. 

Perhaps we’re just too tired to celebrate the passing of a decade like we used to. In addition to coping with the many changes, and adapting to the new technology, the past 10 years have been tough.

• A controversial President was put into power without a majority vote.
• Evil forces we didn’t understand attacked our country and caught us unaware, unleashing our own irrational response in the form of two wars we cannot seem to end.
• While the world is brought closer by technology, our country is increasingly divided and polarized, neither side willing or able to consider the others’ point of view. The world’s poor are left out of the conversation completely, but perhaps that is not so new.

The changing of a decade reminds us that time passes on a personal level as well. Some loved ones pass away while others are born. Marriages begin and end. Jobs and careers come and go. Friends drop out of our lives and sometimes drop back in.

 

The youthful hope of 1990 is calmer and more confident now, somewhat wizened, with a bit less stamina, and a little less arrogance. Certainly there is less hair on top and a few more wrinkles down below. Whatever this new decade brings, there will certainly be change, and there’s no telling what we’ll be remembering in 2020.