Lighter and Tighter – The Continuing Saga of a Middle Aged Man’s Quest for Physical Fitness

Why did I wait until so late in life to get into shape? Until recently, I never lifted a weight or performed a curl. The last big rubber ball upon which I balanced tenuously was a bouncing Romper Room toy with a rubber strap.

My new personal trainer, Rick, asked me at our first session what sports I played in high school. "Um," I stammered. "Piano?"

Rick has to teach me everything, I mean everything, from scratch. I don't know a crunch from a hole in the ground. When he says, "chin-ups," I break into a cold sweat - PTSD from high school when without any instruction or direction, we were told to do chin-ups, the number of which would determine our grade. I never did one. Not one. Looking back at "physical education" in school, I remember a lot of physical, but not much education. 30-some years later, in my advanced middle age, I am finally learning from Rick about correct posture, how my body works, and what is connected to what.

Rick is demanding, but also shouts encouragement and praise.

He is always yelling things like, "elbows in," or "shoulders back;" but most of all, it's "work your core."

The idea is - well, I'm not sure what the idea is, but I trust there's a good reason for it.

I've become very mindful of my core. Yesterday I had a little allergy attack. As I sneezed, I told myself to "sneeze from the core." When I empty the dishwasher, I concentrate on "lifting and reaching from the core." As I throw the trash bag over the edge of the dumpster, I'm "activating my core." I also think about my core during other, more personal activities.

Something must be working because I'm seeing results. My posture is better. I feel "tighter" around the middle. I've discovered muscles in my back. Today I felt a big muscle in my leg I've never felt before. For the first time in years, I can feel the bones in my butt when I sit down.

With the intense combination of working out and rigorous adherence to Weight Watchers (trademark R), I've lost 30 pounds since mid-July. Yea for me!

There are downsides to my healthy regimen. Getting up at 4:30 a.m. for personal training makes me tired and cranky. When I fainted on Rick one morning, he lectured me about the importance of eating before working out, necessitating the need to get up even earlier.

It is true that Weight Watchers is not a diet as much as a lifestyle. I can eat anything I want as long as I count it in my daily food budget. But realistically, there are some things I just don't eat. If having a brownie means I get less at dinner, I'll usually skip it. I crave chocolate chip cookies but limit myself to two every other week. I haven't ordered Papa John's pizza since I don't know when. DQ blizzards are few and far between.

I can't even be in the same room as potato chips. One serving is about 15 chips. Please! That's just a handful. If I open a bag, all contents are devoured instantly. At a party recently, a large buffet was spread across a counter, prominently featuring several open bags. In a cold sweat, I had the impulse to call my sponsor - something I could do if I was in Overeaters Anonymous, which I'm not. So I left the party, went to King Soopers, purchased some low fat popcorn, and returned to the party.

Hey, anyone who knows me knows I can't do this without drama.

The biggest challenge of getting in shape is staying that way. I hope to not be one of these people that loses the same 50 pounds over and over.

Can I keep it up (or down as the case may be)? The suspense is building: Will I buy another ten sessions with Rick or start working out on my own? How long can I avoid a hot fudge brownie sundae at Dairy Queen? Will I give in to one of those nacho Tuesdays at the office cafeteria? Will I ever again have the taco platter at Little Anita's (it's about two days worth of Weight Watchers points)? Can those low-cal ice cream bars really be any substitute for a “gotta have it” at Cold Stone Creamery? How will I cope with the coming holidays - all the cookies and the frosting and my sister's mashed potatoes with sour cream?

Stay tuned for updates.

At the moment, however, I’m going to go lie down. I’m feeling a little faint.



For some previous entries about my “getting into shape” saga, click on the links below.

Yoga for the Round and Stiff

Fitness Newbie Surrounded by Experts

Least Likely Passtime

Disgusting Byproduct Helpful Supplement

I hate cottage cheese. It’s made of curds.

One friend insists that he loves it on a bed of lettuce with some pepper. I question his ability to enjoy food. The only thing more tasteless than cottage cheese is lettuce.

Basically a waste byproduct of milk, cottage cheese has lately become a prominent feature in my meals.

When I complain, something I rarely do, I am bombarded with suggestions from more experienced culinary savants. I've tried combining it with pineapple, mandarin oranges, strawberries, blueberries, and spices (such as pepper or basil). I’ve had it for breakfast and lunch, as a dip and a dressing. But it's still this lumpy curdy stuff.

Those little curds rub against your teeth, fill your mouth with the taste of disgusting milk-byproduct, and slide grudgingly down your throat.

But if you can choke it down, this milk byproduct has its advantages. It's filling, provides protein, and contains little in the way of fat or carbs.

If only it provided gastronomic pleasure.

Cheese is usually such a good thing. I like to go to Whole Foods and grab little scraps of exotic chesses for a dollar or two, take them home, and sample them on crackers. I love nothing more than a grilled cheese sandwich or a cheese burger. Extra cheese on pizza is a good thing. But I can't imagine putting cottage cheese on any of that.

You may be wondering why this is an issue for me.

For the past few weeks, I've been making different choices about how I eat in order to lose some excess poundage. Since joining the health club last fall, I have only gained weight, to the point at which my shirts are getting tight.

To give my new choices structure, I have enrolled in Weight Watchers (trademark R). I am not doing the "D" word. The "D" word is too extreme for me. People often end up gaining their weight back when the "D" is over. “D”ers often seem to hate their bodies and are frequently of the opinion that if they just lose a little more, they'll look perfect and their lives will suddenly turn awesome. I am not doing that. I am simply changing elements of my lifestyle to accommodate more healthy eating habits.

Tomato, tomahto - also frequently eaten with cottage cheese.

Unfortunately, I hate to be hungry, and I've learned that a good way to eat and be full without adding to the poundage seems to involve cottage cheese. It’s also convenient: I can easily take it to the office. And I'm allergic to so many other things that alternatives are somewhat limited.

Fries for lunch are no longer an option, at least on a daily basis. And chips are out completely until I learn to eat just a few instead of devouring the whole bag in one sitting. I'm not talking about one of those little lunch sacks either - I'm talking about the big, family sized bag.

Yogurt is good but not as filling. Raw vegetables only go so far with me. Too much fruit, well, trust me, I have to limit my intake.

Wow. I'm so grouchy, you'd think I was "D"ing. Truly, I'm usually not hungry as long as I supplement my eating with (ugh) cottage cheese.

I wonder if you can deep-fry it.