Here's a nugget of wisdom I'd like to share with you: if it's been a while since you've been to the gym, don't jump into your old routine right away. You're out of shape. You'll hurt yourself. I know what I'm talking about.
Last summer, I moved into a high-maintenance condo-house which came with a lot of drama. I also met a new boyfriend, Clyde. Those two things kept me pretty busy.
So I temporarily stopped going to the gym. For about six months.
Meanwhile, Clyde and I discovered some common interests, including a fondness for premium ice cream.
As a result, I put on weight.
By New Years, I was decidedly fat. It was time to put some limits on the ice cream and start exercising again.
My first day back at the gym, I worked out on the elliptical and did some spinning. It felt great to be getting back in shape. After the cardio stuff, as was my habit in the past, I approached a weight lifting machine with gleeful abandon. I did ten, then twenty repetitions with just the right amount of sweat. I moved on to another machine. I was such a bad ass.
The next day, I couldn't move my arm. A sharp pain near my funny bone constricted every movement. It felt as if I'd banged my elbow really hard on the counter. I figured it would go away after a few days. Clyde, something of an expert in medical matters, speculated that I may have torn a tendon or cracked a bone. I berated myself for working out without properly warming up.
Long story short (too late, I know), after a couple months of pain and a visit to my doctor, an orthopedic surgeon diagnosed the injury as "tennis elbow."
No, I don't play tennis.
Tennis elbow sounds so trivial, like a medical condition only the rich have the luxury of suffering. But I'm telling you, it hurts like crazy. I can't lift heavy things. I have to use my other arm for raising the garage door. It's painful to shake hands.
Tennis elbow is caused by non-inflammatory, chronic activity in the tendon around the elbow. There is no cure. Only time heals tennis elbow. Like a year. It can be treated with a brace strap thing. Many nights I take an ice pack to bed.
I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me. I'm just trying to raise awareness of the condition. Perhaps I could do a public service announcement or have some fundraisers featuring celebrities. Some sort of marathon, or perhaps a tennis match, is certainly in order. What color do you suppose the ribbon should be? What about a slogan? "Bend for the cure," comes to mind. Or, "T.E: it's not just for tennis anymore."
In any case, I'll bare my suffering with that quiet dignity for which I am so well known. I think some ice cream would make me feel better.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
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