Catching just a glimpse of The Bachelor, I notice, for example, that the participants are impossibly good looking - they don't look like anyone real that I know. Not that my friends aren't good looking. But they are real.
I have enjoyed a couple of episodes of the Amazing Race, thanks to my friend John. Those contestants at least travel to real locations around the world, though they don't spend any time learning about where they are. They just eat the food or do whatever disgusting task they are assigned before moving on to the next location.
I do not understand, for the life of me, the appeal of following characters like the Kardashians or Honey Boo Boo. Who cares about these people? I'm more interested in watching my neighbors, who are real people, come and go. And some of them are quite good looking.
I want reality TV to reflect, you know, reality.
I have some great ideas for reality shows that reflect actual lives like mine.
How about one called Rush Hour? It's a game of suspense, where contestants have to choose the fastest route home from work at 5:00 p.m. Think about the skill it takes to deal with a traffic jam. Can you anticipate which lane will move the fastest? Do you take the next exit and risk taking side streets all the way home or stay the course in case things loosen up? A little side game could be called "Find the Radio Station that will Give a Traffic Report First," or just "Find a Radio Station" if your public broadcaster is having a pledge week. Throw in some extra drama, like what happens if the gas tank is almost empty. Or you really have to pee but it's at least 20 minutes til home. Or ethical dilemmas: what if your cell phone goes off while you're just sitting there? Is it ok to answer it if the car's not moving? At the end, the exhausted winner gets to have dinner with the family.
I should do a pitch to the networks. I have tons more.
- Computer Races - see how much work you can get done while software updates automatically install on your computer followed by a mandatory restart. If you win, you don't have to redo that project you forgot to save.
- Dishwasher Wars - how creative can you get in order to cram everything into the dishwasher no matter how full it gets. If you lose, you have to do the extra dishes by hand.
- Pill the Cat - now there's a reality show, full of drama and action, suspense, and tears (yours or the cat's). If you lose, you have a bloody finger and a resentful cat. We could film this one at my house, twice a day.
- Is He or Isn't He? Is She or Isn't She? - Everyone has a neighbor, coworker, or relative who might be gay, but no one is sure. You can't tell just by looking anymore. These days, anyone can wear any kind of jewelry anywhere on their body, not to mention bright colored or plaid clothing. Tattoos and bodyscaping (shaving various areas of your body) are no longer indicators of orientation. Some people won't define their sexuality one way or the other. There is no prize in this game, because chances are you'll never actually figure it out.
- Elevator Mind Games - Get into an elevator on the top floor and push the button for the bottom floor. Subtract points every time you have to stop to let people on or off. Lose double points if someone gets on and rides just one floor instead of taking the stairs.
It's not that I don't like looking at beautiful bodies on The Bachelor. It's just no match for true reality.
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