We Have Nothing to Fear but ... Volcanoes and Elevators

I'm not what you'd call a hysterical person. I maintain my calm and usually think logically through every problem before reacting. My analytical outlook prevents me from panic when unforeseen disasters occur - with one or two notable exceptions.

I am totally nervous about the supervolcano under Yellowstone National Park.

Every 600,000 years or so, this volcano erupts, burying North America in ash, disrupting the climate worldwide, and causing the extinction of countless species. 1,000 times larger than Mount St. Helens which exploded in the northwest in 1980 and blew ash all over our cars in Nebraska, Yellowstone, which is due for another eruption (could be tomorrow, could be another 100,000 years), will completely obliterate everything 100 miles in diameter. Goodbye Old Faithful and Jackson Hole. No more Tetons. The town where my sister lives would be toast.

Think that’s a shame but you could live with it? Think again.

Poison gasses will wipe out all life for at least 1,000 miles in every direction (most of the western U.S. including my home in Denver). The atmosphere all over the world will be darkened by ashy air for several years, plunging our planet into an ice age resulting in mass famine and starvation.

While other people watch "reality" TV shows like American Idol, I watch a lot of real reality TV on the Science, History, and National Geographic channels. Ask me anything about asteroids, mega-tsunamis, viral pandemics, solar storms, gamma rays, and anything else that could wipe us out. Though I don’t sleep well, I’m up on how the world could end.

But I can't watch Animal Planet. It upsets me too much to see a cat or dog suffering in the vet’s office, even if they do get well in the end.

You know, there are a lot of things more likely to kill me than a volcano, so it's odd that this is the one that keeps me awake at night.

For example, I drive to work every morning in the dark on a crowded freeway going 75 miles per hour. As if this alone didn't put me within a hair's breadth of a sudden and fiery end, what about the other idiots talking on cell phones and doing their makeup while driving ... But my neurotic anxiety about volcanoes doesn't extend to traffic situations.

I do have fears not related to natural disasters.

I fear my windshield washer fluid will run out. I fear I won't get to the airport two hours before my flight is scheduled to leave. I fear the cable will go out during Modern Family.

In addition, riots in other countries, crime, unemployment statistics, the eventual bankruptcy of Social Security, Sarah Palin – all are frightening, but I don’t lose sleep over them like I do those natural disasters where we have no control.

There is a place for fear: it motivates us to get away from situations which might harm us - if we can get away.

But fear can also be irrational.

I was once stuck in an elevator for about five minutes during which I worked myself into a full-fledged panic attack. I can't logically explain why I was so upset, but the guy on the other end of the emergency phone loudly and clearly got the message that no, I could not hold on a few minutes more. By the time the security and maintenance departments came with a big crowbar to pry the doors open, I was in a frothy sweat and I really had to go to the bathroom.

If I'm that way in an elevator, what will I do if that volcano blows?