BillsWeek Guest Entry: Confessions of a Drag Hag

Sometimes the best surprises come in fabulous packages. Last summer, guest blogger Joey Halligan discovered and recorded one amazing drag queen. Now, he's in the process of helping her go national, including competition in the Logo network's First Exceptional Drag Queen contest. Here's his story:

It all started one scorching day in June during the Denver Pride Festival. Nina Flowers and her band of drag performers took the main stage and performed in front of nearly 275,000 spectators. There I stood, among all the other viewers, wondering just what these girls were about to do.

They performed to songs by such artists as Lady Gaga, Pink and Beyonce. In the spirit of collecting memories of that fun summer day, I took pictures of them all. But when Felony Misdemeanor appeared on stage, I saw something different.

She displayed her signature sartorial elegance. She worked the stage and the audience. But there was something drastically different about Felony. In fact, she was the only one I recorded. She was the only one that looked natural in her element. As the show came to a close, I knew I would be watching the video clip of Felony again, and it would probably end there. I was wrong.

After the show, Nina Flowers introduced her girls to the crowd. She brought them out individually and let each diva have her moment of glory. Felony Misdemeanor, like all the rest, underwent a rapid wardrobe change, and upon her reentry to the stage, wore a tank top with 10 digits. A random selection of numbers? Of course not. She was silently publicizing her phone number, made a phone gesture with her hand and mouthed the phrase: “Call me!”

The next day I was watching all my footage from the weekend with a friend and came across her performance. I couldn’t believe this drag queen printed her phone number on her tank top for all to see!

We had to call. How could we not? At the very least, I had to tell her “good job”. Just as I expected, we went straight to her voicemail but still left a heartfelt message, telling her just how good she looked on stage. To my surprise, she called back.

During the next few days, we exchanged phone calls and text messages. Before I knew it, I was cheering her on at her local performances and bringing along friends to watch (and tip, of course). We then started talking about her plans for the future. We thought of ways to market Felony to the public, created a complete website and supported her along the way. We even created pseudo roles that all made up the Felony Misdemeanor project, aka Team Felony.

Now that I know Felony, and as the boy behind the make-up, I have a new-found respect for female impersonators. The transformation is jaw dropping. But more than anything, Felony is an amazing person - in and out of drag. She loves to eat all kinds of food - the spicier the better, play video games and hang out with friends. Sounds pretty normal, huh? You never quite know when or where you’re going to meet great people.

Visit Felony’s site at http://www.felony-misdemeanor.com/ and vote for her to be Logo’s first Exceptional Drag Queen!

Joey Halligan is an excellent human being and occasional contributor to BillsWeek. You can reach him at JoeyHalligan@me.com.

A BillsWeek Guest Entry: You had me at LOL

Turns out this old Boomer is not alone in adjusting to technology. Apparently changes affect Gen Y as well. This is Joey Halligan's second contribution to BillsWeek and I think there may be more. Stay tuned! - editor

I just received a text message from my father. It read: “Joey, I need tech support. Pls call me when you can. Love, Dad.” My father is 63 and texting.

As recent as three months ago, my cell phone plan included 300 text messages for an additional $5. That included incoming and outgoing texts. However, picture messages were a la carte - a whopping 25 cents each. In the last four years with that plan, I may have gone over in text messages once, and it wasn’t by much. Then I got swept in by the overwhelming text craze. Now my phone buzzes constantly throughout the day. Fortunately, I’ve switched to an unlimited text and data plan since then.

I never considered myself someone who couldn’t live without their phone, until the last few months I suppose. Yet I can’t say that I don’t enjoy the interactions, which often seem more like interruptions. At what point, however, does technology cross the line of keeping us connected into creating an addiction to stay connected? Seriously, do I need to know every time you use the bathroom or stop at a red light? By the way, I hope you’re not texting and driving in Colorado - that’s illegal now.

But when my phone vibrates and my best friend in Florida sends me the latest picture of her 2 year old son, I stop everything. Then another friend will send me a picture of an outfit at the store and asks for my opinion before buying. Then Facebook sends me my nephew’s status update letting me know he’s bored at home with nothing to do. Of course, I’ve only subscribed to five of my closest friends and family members’ Facebook status messages, anything more than that would be text suicide.

So when did personal conversations evolve into hours of text exchanges? I used to be the first to say, "Just call!" You can say everything you’re texting in a fraction of the time! Yet here I am, averaging 1215 outgoing texts in a month. Drop your calculator, I’ll do the math for you: that’s about 40 texts a day, not including the more-than-likely accompanying inbound text. Yes - that brings me to a total of nearly 2500 texts a month. And that’s now. Who knows what I’ll be averaging in 3-6 months. For all this, I blame three things: my curiosity, the curiosity of my closest friends, and a QWERTY keyboard on my phone.

So is texting really all that bad? If it causes a vehicular accident - yes. If it isolates you from all other forms of interactions with people around you - yes. If you answer a text in the middle of a meeting at work - yes. If used wisely, texts can be a quick way to stay connected and exchange quick thoughts. But when you slowly start to forget what your friend’s voice sounds like because you only associate them with the acronyms they send, you may want to snap out of it, and ask them out to enjoy a cup of coffee or a meal.

“Can u pass the salt? lol jk :-)”

Joey Halligan loves technology. Need tech support? You can reach him at JoeyHalligan@me.com.

A BillsWeek Guest Entry: How to Leave Hialeah

By Joey Halligan

When I first came across this title, I was browsing through new books on Amazon.com. I’ve never seen a book with my hometown on the cover - nor did I ever think I would. You probably have never heard of it, and I don’t blame you.

When it boils down to it, Hialeah is simply a heavily Cuban populated city in the greater Miami area. It may sound a little more interesting to the average passerby - just imagine... the culture, the arts, the music, the beauty! And the food is to die for! However, those that pass by just keep right on going. The people are rude, the traffic is insane, and the crime rate is sky high. So why is it so hard to leave Hialeah when Hialeah is your home?

Hialeah found its way on the map during The Roaring Twenties. It was during this time when sports and film began to carve the culture of this Southern Florida prairie, snuggled between the Atlantic Ocean and the great Everglades. Perhaps one of the most famous landmarks in Hialeah - the Hialeah Racetrack, was erected during this era. Its Mediterranean architecture and grandeur brought tourism and curiosity. In fact, to this day, brides-to-be flock to the racetrack for their wedding photo session. Just make sure to crop out the factories and smog.

Today, the city is over-populated, dirty and has lost its old world charm. All the signs are in Spanish, no one holds the door for you, and the moment the traffic light turns green, the car behind you honks their horn. Yet for some reason, each time I visit home, I feel like everything is right in the world - even though I know it couldn’t get any worse. And that’s basically what draws us back to our hometown - it’s where we’re from... whether we like it or not. We will always have a sense of pride for what is ours, and where we come from.

It’s been five years since I’ve lived in Denver and I wouldn’t dream of moving back to Hialeah. Once you get a taste of life outside the city, it’s pretty easy to feel satisfied with life somewhere new. So how did I leave Hialeah? I packed everything I could into my car and drove for two days. I started fresh without knowing what to expect. Now, every time I make my descent into the Miami International Airport, I always look out the window and spot the new construction sites and the heavy traffic on the main roads and highways. The best view, however, is the same one when I leave Hialeah on my way back home.



Joey Halligan enjoys frolicking in the snow, eating pho, and drinking Starbucks in Denver. He can be reached at joeyhalligan@me.com.