Carrie Fisher Can Wait but I Need a Quick Fix Read

There was a rush on Carrie Fisher books at the Denver Public Library. I was something like number 67 on a list of 110 who had requested Postcards From the Edge and Wishful Drinking. It seems the unexpected death of the  actress and writer, spokesperson for people with addictions and mental health problems, and daughter of Debbie Reynolds, had stimulated many patrons to want to read her caustic, insightful humor.

I've gotten into the habit of reserving books online at the library. I choose a book and I go to the DPL web site to see if they have it. If they do, I click a button to put it on hold. If and/or when it's available, they send it over to my local branch and I go to pick it up. It's a great service.

Why don't I buy the book, you ask? Are you kidding? Why would I spend money on something I can read for free?

I may splurge on travel and eating out, but when it comes to reading material, I'm cheap. The only time I buy books is if I read them over and over again (like Dorothy Sayers's Peter Wimsey and Harriet Vane mysteries) or if I like a library book so much that I want to give it to someone.

You can even borrow electronic books from the library. It's a lot easier to carry around 10 books in a back pack if they are digitally packed into a Kindle.

The point is, I like to read. When I don't focus my brain on the flickering images of that 46 inch screen in the living room, or a smaller screen on my lap or in my hand (or, I suppose, when I'm not reluctantly interacting with the real world), I stare at symbols on a page which mystically transform into complex ideas that transport my mind to other places and thoughts.

I never go anywhere without a book. It's impossible to predict when the car is going to break down or I'm going to have to take someone to the emergency room - either instance requiring me to sit for hours in an uncomfortable waiting area surrounded by other unfortunate people with a television in the corner blaring sports.

If I'm at lunch alone in a cafeteria or restaurant, I have to have a book. Other people just look at their smart phones while they eat. That would only keep me occupied for about a minute. I don't get that many emails.

The thought of a long flight, or even sitting at the airport gate waiting to board, is unbearable if I don't have reading material while I'm waiting.

It probably has something to do with ADHD. If I don't have something to focus on, my mind goes flying all over the place. I'm sure Carrie Fisher would understand.

When You Don't Want to Talk to the Computer, Say Agent

After a tough day and a long drive home, I had exactly one hour to relax before heading out for my evening obligation. Clyde was out of town and I had the house to myself. I fed the cats and settled down with my laptop and the TV remote. I keyed in the URL for Facebook. Nothing happened. then a message came up saying, "Web page not available." I checked another couple of sites. Nothing. Nada.

Ok, so the wifi was out. Sometimes it happens. I'd just reset the modem - and nothing. Didn't work. I only had 45 minutes left.

So I'd worry about it later. I clicked on the television to watch a Seinfeld rerun.

Again, nothing. I unplugged the DVR/cable box, counted to 10, and plugged it back in. A message appeared saying that there must be some sort of problem. No signal was available.

35 minutes left.

"Can't I just relax for a few minutes?," I said to one of the cats. "Why does this always happen?" In fact, it's never happened before. I was just frustrated.

A half hour before I had to leave, I called the cable company which provided both our cable TV and wifi. Comcast's computer operated IVR (interactive voice response system) answered right away.

Now, I used to design IVR call flows. I know a good one when I hear it. Comcast does not have a good IVR flow.

It's creepy that it knows my address before I do anything, presumably from my incoming phone number. I had to provide the last four digits of Clyde's social security number (the account is in his name). Then I had to tell it what the problem was.

I said: "Wifi and cable are out."

"Is your problem related to the television or wifi?" asked the IVR. "Please say television or wifi."

"Argh...." I said, feeling a hole burning into my stomach lining. "Both!"

Comcast's computer said: "I understand you have a billing issue. You can go to our website and try to resolve the problem there."

"No," I screamed. "I cannot go to your website. My wifi is out." I punched 0 several times in hopes of being transferred to a customer service agent. It didn't work.

"Please tell me the nature of your call," the computer repeated.

"I want to speak to a customer service representative," I yelled, reminding myself that since I was talking to a computer, I wasn't hurting anyone's feelings by being angry.

20 minutes left.

I finally hit on the right command by saying, "Agent! Agent! Agent!" I was put on hold to wait for the next available agent.

Marie was very nice. I told her as patiently as I could what the problem was. Marie was, in fact, a real person and I didn't want to blame her for all of Comcast's IVR ineptitude. Remotely, she reset my modem and had me unplug the DVR. Like I'd done already. Nothing happened.

15 minutes.

Marie got to a point where she didn't know what to do. She would have to refer the problem to someone else and call me back in 10-15 minutes.

I don't think I have to tell you how I felt about that. The clock was ticking.

I watch a lot of television. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe it's not good for me. But I don't smoke or do drugs. I don't drink alcohol. When I come home after a hard day I want to watch TV.  When TV is not available, I break into a cold sweat. My insides turn to jelly. My heart rate goes up. Quick, I think, go online to relax. Look at Facebook or Youtube or check email. But in this case I couldn't because the wifi was out too. Why not have all of the electricity go out then? What's the point of even being home? I needed a screen to look at, damn it!

I was putting my shoes on to go out the door when Marie called back. They were unable to identify the problem remotely and there were no known problems in my area. Could a technician come out the next day?

"Well yes," I said sarcastically, "except I"m going to be at work."

I did consider that I was lucky to get someone the next day, not several weeks from now. But we pay a lot of money for Comcast. I shouldn't have to miss even a day of television or Internet.

I left for my evening activity. When I returned, the TV still blinked a message that there must be some sort of problem. I desperately faced the question of how to cope with the rest of my evening. Without watching one of my shows, how would I wind down enough to go to  sleep?

Hands shaking as if I had the DTs, I leaned against the counter and wondered, "What did the pioneers do without screens to interact with?" I reflected that they were exhausted from working all the time and probably just went to sleep.

Defeated, I looked around for some sort of technology with which to occupy my mind. My eyes fell upon an iPad sized object with a shiny covering. Inside, words appeared. When you came to the last words, you flipped a piece of the object over and a whole new set of words appeared. I didn't see a power source or an on/off button. It didn't beep or flash. There was no "Like" button. Something deep in my mind recognized this object. I'd seen these before. I used to have a lot of them, in fact. It was called, "book."

I carried the book to bed, arranged myself between two cats, and fell asleep.

Splurging on Electronic Books

I'm finally taking a big step into the 21st century. I'm reading books electronically on my iPad.

This momentous change is coming about as I pack for a nearly two week vacation. After counting out shirts and underwear, and making room for the laptop and all my prescriptions, there is no room for books in my one checked bag and backpack carry on. The iPad, however, takes up very little space. So instead of cramming in two or three paper volumes, I'm downloading enough reading to keep me occupied for several months.

I can't travel without something to read. If I don't have enough to read, I get very anxious. I have to keep my mind occupied. God forbid I should be alone with my thoughts. You never know when you'll be stuck in some airport terminal for hours or waiting for your companion to be seen in the emergency room. Reading a big fat novel can make that time more bearable.

Why did I wait so long to take advantage of electronic literature?

I'm not a Luddite. I enjoy technology. I depend on a computer and a smart phone, and I love my DVR.

Some people claim to prefer the smell of paper and the feel of a turning page, the holding of a solid book in their hand. I'm not one of those.

I've also long objected to the collecting of thousands of volumes that take up space, gather dust, and are read once (if that) and never used again. I purged my outsized book collection long ago.

Don't get me wrong. I love books. I read them all the time. But most of the time, I borrow them from the public library.

I'm a big fan of the public library. If you want something that they don't have, they will borrow it from another library. And the library is free to everyone.

Free.

Even though they are less expensive than hardcover, electronic books still cost money, generally speaking.

And I am cheap. I am so cheap that I have read mostly only library books for years. I've read mysteries, fiction, non-fiction, biographies, and best sellers without spending a dime.

I understand the library even has a way for ,me to borrow electronic books. I don't know how that works, but it's worth looking into.

Should I buy an e-reader?

When it comes to technology, I'm no slouch, but I'm also not the first on my block to try the newest electronic anything. I didn't get cable until about 20 years after everyone else and that was only basic. My phone is only of reasonable intelligence (it's not smart, in other words), and I don't have an iPad. I do have an iPod, but it's big and clunky compared to the kind they make now. I only just got digital TV and blue ray. I still don't know what blue ray is, but I have it.

One area where I'm decidedly low tech is the books I read: traditional paper bound volumes. I should get some tech credit for searching for and reserving books from the public library on line. But I still cart around one to three heavy tomes in my back pack on any given day.

I always have a book with me. I'm terrified of being someplace where I have to sit with nothing to read. What if I take someone to the dentist and have to wait? What if my car breaks down and I have to sit in a garage for hours? What if the electricity goes off and I can't watch TV or go on the net?

Naturally I've noticed the growing popularity of electronic reading. Kindle and Nook readers are everywhere and people swear by them. So I'm starting to consider getting one.

The advantages are obvious: carrying around multiple books without being weighed down, downloading books practically anywhere you can connect wirelessly, lower cost per book, and the availability of newspapers and other reading material.

Of course one must consider the downside: I would surely drop and break an ereader and the cost per book is still more than the library, which is free.

But the biggest argument against it for me is this: If you have a Kindle, you must buy all your books from Amazon and if you have a Nook, you have to buy all your books from Barnes and Noble. I'd rather buy books from a local independent bookseller such as The Tattered Cover (three metro Denver locations). I think you can buy from TC using a non-affiliated ereader, but see, it's starting to sound pretty complicated.

A lot of people say they'd rather feel the weight of the book in their hand and turn the paper pages. That's not me. I'd be fine not having to turn the page of a book only to discover a ketchup smear from a long forgotten fast food lunch.

Many people pride themselves on having book covered walls, in owning millions of books. I used to collect books, but found that they collect, in turn, dust.

I imagine I'll eventually make the leap to paperless reading. It just takes me longer than some. And once I figure out how to download material from the Tattered Cover, I'll be more than half way there.