What I Didn’t Tell Them

Is it impressive or is it sad that I recently summed up the past 25 years of my life in two paragraphs?

It was one of those wonderful Facebook moments where you suddenly find people with whom you long ago lost contact.

Though "virtual," the reunions were wonderful. I really enjoyed reading what my friends had been up to since 1986.

Of course I was expected to provide the same information. What aspects of a person’s life do others want to hear about? Personal? Professional? Marriage and children (or lack thereof)? Mutual friends and acquaintances? Perhaps I was over thinking it, but I decided to challenge myself as a writer and convey the most important things that have happened to me in as succinct a way as possible. With a sense of satisfaction, I summed up my career, family, and health in two medium sized paragraphs.

Then I got discouraged. You mean I can say everything important about my career, family, and health in just two medium sized paragraphs? I must be the most boring person in the world.

I’m sure my friends realized that what I told them was merely an outline. Many more interesting things have happened to me than that.

So I’d like to share with you a sampling of what I did NOT include in the two paragraph nutshell about my past quarter century. Since 1986, I:

• Replaced all of my LPs with CDs
• Cohabitated briefly with an artist
• Wrecked two cars (neither was my fault)
• Lived in four different regions of the country
• Wrote for a couple of local weeklies (all defunct now, of course)
• Sold my car and did public transit for a few years
• Remodeled my kitchen
• Lived with a total of four cats
• Pledged to my local public radio station, boycotted said station, then pledged again
• Complained about the new airport
• Developed an allergy to bananas
• Remodeled my bathroom
• Got laid off from three jobs
• Joined and dropped out of a queer square dancing club
• Replaced the VCR with a DVR
• Put all of my CDs on an iPod
• Remodeled everything but the kitchen and bathroom
• Bought a hybrid car
• Visited Wyoming several times
• Said every summer, without fail, "I really should spend more time in the mountains"
• Got irritated when the local public radio announcers mispronounced "Chez Artiste," one of the local movie theatres
• Thought seriously about moving to California
• Joined a gym
• Got on Facebook 
• Made this list

Well. Hmm. Maybe I’ll just stick to those two paragraphs. They were more interesting.