A highlight of the event is the commencement speech. In big universities, it's usually delivered by someone noteworthy, like the President of the United States or a late night talk show host. Regardless of the speaker, the speech optimistically discharges the graduates with inspirational stories and a few pearls of wisdom.
I've always wanted to give a commencement speech. What better way to share my long accumulated wisdom? But I'm not a President or a late night talk show host. In fact, I'm usually in bed by 8:30. But I suppose I could write the speech anyway, in case someone needs a last minute replacement speaker.
COMMENCEMENT SPEECH:
To the class of 2014, here is some advice based on my personal experience which I wish to pass along to you:
You are not your job. You are not your car. You are not your house. Your identity is in your ethics, how you treat people, who you love.
Your first job won't be your life-long work. What you end up doing won't be what you think it will be today. At Nebraska Wesleyan University, I prepared for a career in education and expected to be a school teacher for the rest of my life. But I've also worked as an administrative assistant, youth minister, video and audio editor, technical writer, camp director, book and movie reviewer, feature writer, and quality assurance manager. Now I design computer based training which is a task I never could have conceived back at NWU.
Get a Triple A membership. That's American Automobile Association. You won't be sorry when you lock your keys in the car on Thanksgiving day. This didn't happen to me. It was someone I know (ahem, my sister). And if you do lock your keys in the car, make sure the engine isn't running. Ok, that one happened to me.
Always pee before getting into an elevator. I didn't do that once and sure enough, the stupid thing got stuck between floors. The voice on the intercom asked if I could wait a few minutes. I said, "Not really." After the maintenance guys finally pried open the door, I quickly thanked them and ran down the hall.
Clean out the freezer. If the meat has been there more than a year, throw it out. Cleaning out a freezer is like finding a 50,000 year old mammoth in a glacier. It can be of historical interest, but mostly it's just gross. While you're at it, clean out the pantry too. That spice you bought during the Clinton administration isn't doing anyone any good.
Education doesn't end with your degree. Keep learning. Travel. Try new things. Experience other cultures. Read books. Associate with people who are different from you. Watch The News Hour in addition to TMZ. Continue your education so you don't stop thinking. Life will always be interesting if you're growing your mind.
If you're going to ride in the back seat of your boyfriend's jeep, make sure his mother isn't sitting in the front when you get car sick and vomit in that general direction. I don't think I need to say anything more than that.
Be nice to people who are paid to take care of you. I mean restaurant servers, hotel housekeepers, doormen/women. Say please and thank you. Acknowledge their humanity. Tip well. Not only will you get better service, you'll feel better because you won't be acting like an asshole.
Here's an old fashioned idea: successful people have a responsibility to give back to the community. Rich people have an obligation to help the poor. By virtue of your education you are rich, no matter how much money you have. Whether through politics, charity, or volunteering, don't just take all that life has to give you. Give something back.
So for what it's worth, there's my graduation advice. Good luck out in the world!
I wish the commencement address I got had been half this insightful or useful. Thanks, Bill.
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