No Such Thing as Free HBO

Holding an official looking clip board, the cable company representative told me through the screen door that they had been reviewing my account and discovered that for what I was currently paying, I could have many additional premium channels including all of those from HBO.

Not only that, I could have a Comcast land line phone with unlimited long distance to all 50 states and Puerto Rico.

I don't think I have ever called Puerto Rico.

In spite of the fact that my cell phone is adequate and I already have hundreds more channels than I could ever possibly watch, I invited him to come in and sit down so we could discuss it further.

As Charles, my 18 month old, jumped up on his lap and sniffed the clip board, we discussed my cable needs. I apologized for the cat. He said that he'd gotten the same treatment from the animals next door and didn't mind.

So evidently, this wasn't just a special visit because Comcast was interested in me. In fact, my neighbor, Terese, subscribed to the same new package that I did.

I realized much later that I should have asked, "How can I keep the same service I have now and pay less?" Oh these sales guys are slick.

As the Comcast guy made an appointment for the technician to come and install the replacement modem for my new land line phone, I thought that I might as well ask about a second DVR for the bedroom.

I rarely view TV shows "live." With the digital video recorder I can watch at my convenience and fast forward through commercials. The only problem is I have to do it in the living room. Since I've been falling asleep on the sofa a lot, it has occurred to me that it would be nice to watch The Daily Show in bed.

So for between eight and nine dollars per month, I now have a DVR in my bedroom - with HBO and Starz.

Meanwhile, I realized that if I was going to have a land line, I should probably get a telephone. Terese told me about a sale at Sears, so for $20 I bought one with a speakerphone, caller ID, and some other features I'll probably never use.

On Sunday, my new DVR, phone, and modem were piled up on the dresser with my wireless router and bedroom TV ready to use. Charles enjoyed playing with the new wires, and I looked forward to an evening in bed with The Simpsons and a few reruns of Sordid Lives.

It wasn't the relaxing utopia I was expecting. In fact, my 20 year old mattress was kind of lumpy. As a matter of fact, I suffer from considerable insomnia, and I often wake up without feeling in one of my arms. Spending more time watching TV in bed would only make it worse.

So my new $800 memory foam mattress (on sale!), arrives this Saturday. I can hardly wait to snuggle up with the cats and enjoy some recorded natural disaster documentaries from the National Geographic Channel - on my new, comfy mattress.

I guess you can't have free HBO without paying a price.