Thanksgiving Chronicles

It seems strange that to cope with all the Thanksgiving work and stress, I kept taking Facebook breaks. How did I get through last year without the web’s most popular social networking site? Reviewing the posts reveals the drama of the holiday. Here’s a sampling from Facebook.
First, the cast of characters:

• Bill – you all know me.
• Neda – friend and former coworker
• Linda – high school classmate in Nebraska, reconnected via Facebook
  Forrest – friend and former colleague in Georgia
• Wendy – lives ten minutes away and never forgets anything I say
• Katherine – next door neighbor who I could talk to through the wall, but FB is often the medium of choice
• Thomas – world citizen, friend who delights in brutal honesty
• Debra - high school classmate in Nevada, reconnected via Facebook
• Susan – sister in Wyoming
• Kim – irreverent Reverend
• Jeff – national reporter based in Denver, visiting New Hampshire
• Kris – nonprofit director in Oregon

Thursday, T-1 Week
Bill: Stuff I’m Thankful For – A BillsWeek List
Friday, T-6 Days
Bill: Kathy Griffin tonight. Feels like the beginning of the holidays!
Sunday, T-4 Days
Bill: … bought most of the Thanksgiving dinner stuff today. Charles is already playing in the foil roasting pan I bought for the turkey. Long day, but at least the shopping is mostly done. Now up to 14 guests at my place. Cooking and cleaning the next few days ...
Neda: Wow … Did you party grow?
Bill: (Certain family members) keep inviting additional people … it’s really ok, but a little overwhelming at the moment. It will be fun when the big day comes …
Tuesday, T-36 Hours
Linda: Share some kitty stories. Life would be so dull without kitties.
Bill: I would be so lost without them. Right now, Lily is annoyed that I’m typing and she keeps bumping my hand. My younger kitten Charles is so active, I’m going to have to assign someone to manage him while the house is full of people Thursday.
Bill: Cleaning is more or less done. Dining room table is extended. Tomorrow, cooking and counting chairs, plates, etc.
Forrest: Will the cats hide with all the company?
Wendy: Charles is going to hide in the turkey --- according to Bill!
Bill: That’s my fear – Lily will hide at first, but she’ll eventually come out and grace us with her presence. Only a few will be deemed worthy to pet her a little. Charles will be the life of the party, jumping from lap to lap, because he knows all humans love cats, and him in particular. He will be on the counter trying to get food, on the table trying to get food, and yes, I’m afraid I’ll turn around and find him with his head in the turkey. Usually he’s locked down in the bathroom when I can’t handle him, but with so much company, I don’t think that will work…
Forrest: Sounds like organized chaos is about to happen…
Wednesday, T-30
Bill: I got out my pretty red table runner with the tassels to hang it up and de-wrinkle. Guess who discovered the tassels not 15 seconds later. Yep, my little kitty boy. Now I have to figure out where to hang it where he can’t get to it.
Katherine: No, you have to find a place where Charles won’t create problems! Try putting it back out, and when he goes after it, point the water bottle. He will get the message …
Thomas: Good luck with that.
Bill: Ok-he found it. Tassels are history. It will be a pretty red runner without tassels. (Later) Needless to say, there will be no Christmas tree this year.
Thomas: Come on, be daring.
Wendy: Since there will not be tassels for the table, perhaps you could wear the tassels …
Thomas: Post pictures of that!
Debra: Cats and tassels – temptation is just too great … Try hanging it over the top of a door and hope he does not decide to high jump. (Editor’s note: I did exactly that and the jumping was fantastic, tassels wrestled to the floor and leapt upon with wild abandon.)
Susan: Who needs tassels? Have a wonderful day …
Wednesday, T-16
Bill: Turkey isn’t thawing. Is now in the shower where Sir Charles can’t get to it. SURELY it will be thawed by morning.
Kim: At least it will be clean!
Linda: Don’t let it spoil. My 18 lb. bird did … We threw it out. We followed the unthawing instructions so it must have been tainted from the beginning. We went turkey shopping late today… Bill, the cat will find it. Good luck!
Kris: hello, roasted Brassica oleracea and Cucurbita moschatta pie! (Editor: Huh? What ever happened to mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie?)
Thursday, T-8.5
Bill: I was conscious of the spoilage factor. It was cold the whole time and I put it back in the fridge after a couple hours. … All is well.
Bill: Up at 4:30. Finished thawing turkey under cool water in the sink and stuffed and seasoned it. Both Charles and Lily quite agitated. Poor kitties’ first bedroom lockdown of the day. Thanksgiving is difficult for poor starving kittens.
Linda: Did the cat get the turkey? Ours wants in the roaster as it was sitting out waiting to be cleaned.
Bill: No, Charles didn’t get the turkey, not for lack of trying. It’s safely in the oven now and he’ll be locked in the bedroom during carving and serving.
T-4 and Counting
Bill: Taking a coffee break now that as much food is prepared as can be until the last minute. So far, Charles has been in lockdown three times. Lily once. Made it to the health club to work off some of the stress of the day. I feel ready now. Except I’d better set the table.
Thursday Night, T+9
Debra: How did everything go? The turkey-cats saga must go on!
Bill: The dishes are clean. The leftovers are put away and sent home with the guests. Tablecloths laundered. There are two cats sacked out on the sofa and I can’t get them to move. We’re all three just pooped. It was a wonderful day. Of course, Charles spent much of it locked in the bedroom, but he got to socialize too. I hope all of you had a good T-day too!
Jeff: Thanksgiving is over. Merry Christmas.
Bill: Ugh
The Morning After
Bill: “Please dear. Auntie Mame is hung.” Charles and Lily are wide awake now and wanting breakfast. All I can muster from my bed is this quote from Rosalind Russell in the 1958 movie, Auntie Mame. For the record, I didn’t touch a drop of alcohol. I just feel hung over.
Katherine: Poor Bill. It must have been too much turkey or pie or something. Drink lots of water, watch Netflix, nap, and call me in the morning.
Kim: LOL! I hope you had a wonderful time in spite of the stress of it all.
And you know, I did. Let’s just try to recover for a while and not think about Christmas. How can millions of people go shopping so soon after all this?